Procrastination, it never pays off.

There is picture of me on my homepage with a little green caption that reads "sexiest user," thanks. I don't know who votes for it or if it's randomly assigned but I'll take it!

Oh my... 30 emails to read and potentially answer. This would be a lot easier if the internet wasn't going so slowly, at least I have my true love (March Madness) to distract me.

Message three of "Hello" leads to probably the most douche-heavy profile I have seen yet. Don't believe me take a gander at a sampling of his interests: retardation, reverse cowgirl, non cheating girlfriends. Keep it classy, San Diego.

***Butler leads: 12 to 11***

So what now I have a message from someone I just started talking to before a few weeks ago. Reply? Don't reply? Decided not to reply better to let people sit on the back burner instead of throwing it out, for now, just in case.

I wonder if people realize how bitter they can sound...
"Instead of talking about me, let's talk about you. If you don't feel like this describes you for the most part, odds are I won't like you.
You have at least some sense of social etiquette. You're comfortable with your sexuality. (That just means you know what you like, not that you are easy or sleep around) If you have a tattoo, it's small and cute, but preferably you have none."
And the list goes on and on and on. (I actually replied to his email because he put in some effort; he could probably use something to help him become less bitter and because I had an easy out of him living too far away) Moving on...

Oh dude, you are not a model, nice try.

Well that's new, an about me consisting of YouTube links. I tried to click one but due to slow computer it froze my browser. They did not appear to be dirty links. Still kind of odd.

There seem to be a lot of guys from Fort Fun, apparently not so Fun after all.

Kansas??? Wow. I should have figured out how to limit the distance.

Apparently my profile (and conversely my personality) is contradictory but interestingly so, I've now been told this at least two times. A lesson in how I'm perceived by others.

***Halftime***

I replied to a guy who wrote a whole email about how he has wanted to message me but has been intimidated and may not be the hottest guy on the site. Sad. I wrote him thank you, I'm not scary but also not looking outside the Denver area. Poor fellow, chin up!

"Fuck a subjjecto line" with accompanying message of nonsense typing. Is this internet anger? Continue blocking rampage!

Alrighty then. Made it through.

In Conclusion:

Number of Messages (of 30) that consisted of..

Only Hi + adjective (cutie, beautiful, etc): 4
Only Hi, How are you?: 5
JUST Hi: 2
Some effort referencing my profile: about 8
Requests to meet-up or chat online: 4
Just kind of sad stuff: 1
A seemingly stock message: 4
Just a smiley :( : 1

I just tried to look at Mr. Jetpack's profile to brighten things up but since messages automatically get deleted after 20 or so days it proved rather difficult. So much for internet stalking.

***Duke leads 45 to 43*** C'mon Butler!

I'm baaack

Yesterday, I seriously considered throwing in the towel. I miss my couch and I miss my friends and this all just seemed pointless. However in my better mood today I will soldier on. Love is a soldier after all. This includes reading/responding to over 30 plenty of fish emails.

I liked this line: "Whats going on? I just wanted to shoot you a message and say hi. You are very cute and have a great smile. Anyways you seem fun and outgoing, and maybe sane?" Ha ha that's a big maybe buddy.

Ok I KNOW I've seen this person's picture before so either a) the same guy has been sending me stuff and I never remember his pseudonym OR b) he's going around making different profiles. Time to use that block button.

Apparently I have a great smile. Or that's just a good compliment to throw on a girl, probably because it works.

Being harassed by someone to hang out, even though I told him before I left that I was going to be out of town. Maybe I'll show up looking weird. Or I could go on the date as Mr. Doppelganger, haha. Guess we'll call him Mr. Impatient.

I like when people are funny, "I mean how could I ask out a girl who was 5'5? You wouldn't even be able to ride any of the rides at six flags with me. Not to bring up a sore spot but, how will Santa get all of his toys built if your spending all your time with me?

Well we might be able to make this work but you'll have to quit your job as an elf with Santa and prob work as a lawn gnome or something. The old lady that lives next to me is hiring them at 10$/hour."

I haven't read them all but I'm starting to get nit-picky so it must be break time.

Mail's Here!

I'm extremely behind on my plenty of fish emails. I intended to do them last night but as fate would have it the day I finally decide to trust the wireless in my building by returning my personal router to COMCAST (grrr) the internet goes out. Better slightly later than never. This may be a long one...

1) I almost never reply to one liner emails that say, "You seem pretty cool and are very cute, want to chat sometime?" but something about his profile made him seem normal so I'll give it a shot.

2) I often complain to whoever will listen that the adjectives beautiful and pretty have become severely underused by the men in exchange for hot. I'm not complaining about being called hot because, well, I can be quite hot. It would just be nice to get that more classy feminine compliment of beautiful. However, that desire does not become satisfied by emails that start with, "Hey beautiful." Perhaps I'm being picky but it just doesn't feel sincere.

3) This one is actually a response from someone who seems very interesting. Traveler and such. Borders on pretentious in his profile but seems fine in email, so far. I'll write my response to his question, "What do you consider home?" Of course, now I feel like I need to come up with some clever philosophical question in response. Bllllaaaankkkk

****Unrelated note, I was having a conversation with Tom about online dating the other day, shout out Tom! He told me that a significant percentage of men on dating sites, especially free ones, are married. I tend to believe Tom when he gives out figures because I know he does a lot of research into all types of things. I feel like now I need to watch for married hints as well as creeper hints.****

4) Well that's funny... "I'm willing to bet you’ve gotten about 650 emails so far from dirty old married men who want to be your sugar daddy." I would have replied if you didn't have this on your profile: "The point when I realized that the female orgasm never ceases to entertain" It may be true but you needn't bring it up right off the bat.

5) 162 words (put in Word just to see) all about how awesome you are. Neat.

6) meh

7) Picture looks familiar.... in a bad way.

8) Profile not bad but just not hot for ya.

9) I call B.S. further investigation: a$$

10) See Guy on Right add a soul patch.

11) Not bad but when you don't include a question. How do I respond? Wing it guess. I'll respond you might be cute.

Rumor has it meeting someone nice is all about the numbers. The more frequently you respond the more likely it is you'll meet someone who won't kill you. Unless you're already dead. Then you're an outlier and we don't count you. I'm going to start a dating website for zombies. Oh no I'm not because it already exists, of course it does. I should have known zombies are all about the love. Click that link, it's pretty funny.

12) Oh my favorite email thus far. Attached a half naked (clipped from a magazine?) photo. Profile says he lives in Mexico DF (Mexico City). I bet he also likes everything I like and makes 1 million dollars every week! How did I get so lucky to meet the perfect guy? Wow.

13) Beatles lyric as subject line. Awwww. Sigh... pictures look like a series of..."look at the pictures I took of myself after I woke up from a major drug bender! Aren't I hot?" Figures. Seven photos not one smiling. I like happy people. No thanks.

14) Meh.

15) Double Meh. Looks familiar again. Perhaps they are all beginning to run together?

I thought I was done but got two more in the time I was reviewing all of these. I have figured out the more you linger on the site and surf the profiles the more attention you get. The site puts people who are online on a banner type thing and also shows if you've viewed someone's profile.

Extra 1) "Want to Learn More?" Nope.

Extra 2) I'm really not the type who gets mad if English isn't your first language so it's not perfect. Heck, I know how it is when I bumble around in Germany. However, give me some sort of indication so I know that it's a language thing and not just a dumb thing.

Sweet Jebus. I just got a response. I'm leaving before I never get off this site and this post NEVER ends.

Speed Dating Rating

They give you a place to take notes. Forgot to do that. It just feels weird to write while someone is talking to you. They give you a place to write down the date's name. I forgot to write one and in one I wrote my own (see: Freudian Slip, apparently I just want to date myself). Let's rate!

♥ Refresh on Rating System ♥

Mingle guy 1 (name unknown): ♥♥ I was trying to get a glass of water from the slowest bartender I've ever seen. He asked if I'd been speed dating before. I said no, I don't really know how it works. He kind of explained. I went away to get food.

Mingle guy 2 (John, maybe?): ♥: From a distance looked cute. Up close looked old. A certified strange bird. DING!

Date 1 (Eric): ♥♥ Kind of dull. Asked if I liked sports. Are guys looking for a girl who likes sports? Or do they just not have anything else to talk about? He was one of at least three who asked that question. Bombarded me with questions like we were playing 20 Questions: The Dating Version, with little to no reaction when I answered. DING!

Date 2 (Jeffrey):♥♥♥ Probably my best date of the evening. Really interesting to talk to, especially considering he is an engineer. (Seriously, someone needs to start a non-profit for the poor lonely male employees of Lockheed Martin). I didn't feel the spark of attraction but I wouldn't mind hanging out with him. We also talked at the beginning of the second mingle session. DING!

Date 3 (Axel):♥ This was a really strange one. Apparently Axel is not his real name but didn't say why he has or was using this nickname. He didn't get my Guns n' Roses joke; yes, I went there. I noticed that as the night went on he got excessively drunk and friendly with his other dates. Yikes! DING!

Date 4 (Mark):♥ I really don't remember much about this one except that he is a lawyer, an awkward one, and conversation didn't flow. The only person who I with I felt the 8 minutes dragged on forever. DING!

Mingle guy 2 and Date 7 (Jeremy): ♥♥ This is where the bitter older lady came in to play. She talked right over me to talk to him and he must have not been really interested as he tried to get me to stay in their conversation. Too bad for him, I wanted Sushi. On our date we talked easily but he kind of gave me the creeps. Perhaps it was because he was bragging about how the organizers asked him to attend (suuuure they did).

Mingle guy 3 and also Date 6 (Robert): ♥ ♥ I grabbed my food knowing I'd have little time to down my snacks before that damn bell rang again. Sat across from the least intimidating/closest to the food fella. He was nice but definitely the typical geeky guy. I like dorks but yeah sorry, no. DING!

Date 5 (Kyle): ♥ ♥ ♥ I really dislike the name Kyle so I was worried for this guy at the start. He was nice to talk to and possibly cute or maybe he just had on a really cool hoodie. I didn't get the vibe from him back so that killed any I may have had towards him. DING!

Date 8 (Gabriel): ♥ Oh wait, he wasn't my date he just creepily came over and told me, "Here write my name down so you don't forget it." Then walked off like the creeper he was. Tool.

Real Date 8 (Dave): ♥ ♥ The problem with common named guys is that chances are I've already dated someone with your name. Double bummer if it was my most serious relationship. He was interesting we talked about Prague. He just had David's name and body shape and been there done that. Sorry, dude. DING!

Bathroom!

Mingle guy 4 (name unknown): ♥ I was just trying to sneak out and his big line was about whether I had a date with "close-talker guy." Lousy line. Nothing shows that you are lame like hitting on a lady by mocking someone else, especially when she doesn't know what you are talking about. Looked like he was friends with Kyle. Demotion Kyle.

Left.

Even though I didn't walk away from the experience with any hot date prospects it was still a fun experience and a nice break from what I've been up to over the past month. I don't know if it is completely worth the money if you were going to do it often but perhaps as something fun to do once a year it's alright. I think it's advantageous to go alone because then you really do have to mingle. You could tell the girls who came together because they just grouped together and didn't talk to any guys during mingle time.

I still need to practice my answer to the uber lame question, "What do you do for fun?" Even though it's lame you still need a better than lame answer. I'm currently working with an answer that sounds something like, "I enjoy planning my next vacation." Yes, a bit pretentious but completely true.

Permission to Judge

I found these great forums on Plenty of Fish where people often ask others to review their profiles and give tips on improving them. So better than let strangers review me, I'll let you, my 4 fans do it. This way I know where to send the letter bombs.

Here's my Plenty of Fish Profile.

Go forth and improve!

Random thoughts...

while reviewing the matches.

Do you think more self-proclaimed Denver conservatives end up on dating sites because the majority of people in Denver are cool liberal types who want to date other cool liberals?

Someone can be automatically disqualified for sticking out tongue and flashing the rock fingers, even ironically.

I think the more you write (except that weird life story guy) the better. I become convinced to give a guy a try based on what he says much more often than based upon his pictures.

I'm going to become not interested in all people who take over 2 weeks to respond. No waiting around I only have so much time.

I miss Eharmony.

Finally, again, spell check, Geez.

Worth Every Penny

Sifting through the emails on Plenty of Fish:

"r u gonna ever make my day and write me back? plz do"
Doesn't even need an explanation... Jeebes.

My mind must be getting muddled if I am willing to think look past baby-daddy for being English and using "bloody." Gawd. Ahhh posing with a giant gun; not in combat; RUN AWAY!!!

A nine finger forehead. Pass. I'm a jerk. Straight to H E double Hockey Sticks.

But while we are being jerky anyway, cut your damn hair! Oh hello, Lucifer, it's warm here.

Oh a reply...who hasn't listened to the newest Yeah Yeah Yeahs album? I mean within cool people? Boo. I'll tell him he should for his own good. Just saved one soul.

And another profile without a single picture of him smiling... HolyMotherofFeist.


Plenty of Fish is, so far, very dumb.

Happy Hour Number One

I met Alissa at her place of employment at precisely 5 PM. We had previously made plans to go to North because according to one of her coworkers this is where all the rich single guys go. When I got there a few of her coworkers were trying to convince her to go to another place with them, $1 PBR's they said, we caved. I'm glad we caved.

We ended up at Q's Wordly Barbeque. I know this is the wrong blog but they had some super amazing BBQ. It was so amazing I ate sliders that were drenched in a mustard based sauce, Mustard! I don't normally like mustard. Anyway back to the manhunt. The place was completely dead when we got there. The coworkers were technically all off limits. One was a girl, one was married and the other had a girlfriend...to arrive later in a very The Hills kind of way.

It was still a lot of fun as the night went on the place filled up and a band started playing. Alissa tried to convince me to lay it on thick with the guy who had a girlfriend, Mr. Hero, (apparently the girlfriend part may be on its way out). This seemed like a nice idea, sure, Mr. Hero was looking good, smart and knew Sean, Marla's Sean, small world, except for the fact that I am lousy at laying it on thick. After a bit more liquid courage, I may have accomplished a very thin primer coat. I was satisfied with it. Best to leave the cake icing thick coats for the single folk.

I was also satisfied that I danced with three different fellows. One, a friend of Mr. Hero, joined Alissa and I and in true Alissa style she snuck away, so he and I danced and he gave me a very sweet kiss on the cheek. Then I went back to our group, which had increased in size due to Mr. Hero's popularity. I was enough beers deep by now to make a announcement that went something like this "Who wants to dance with me?!" Channeling Snookie no doubt. Thankfully, another friend of Mr. Hero took me up on my offer and we had a nice dance. Then everyone besides me went outside to smoke. I started chatting with an old guy who was enjoying a BBQ sandwich next to me. He asked me to dance and you know what I like to dance so I said yes and it was silly and fun.

Eventually Alissa and I decided to head home (I think it was around ten or eleven, a five or six hour happy hour, not bad). When I got home I was very ready to eat my ramen and watch some Conan. My neighbor, who from now on wants to be known as CoolGuy77, convinced me not to be an old lady and meet him at the Horseshoe. So drunk happened. I met his, considering his age, quite attractive friend and we drank and ended up eating ramen after all and playing Wii Bowling.

I stayed out until 2. My body hurts so I must have drank a lot. I met a lot of new people. I had fun. Success.

After getting bored/discouraged having to meet people through the computer it was nice to meet new people in person. Huh, go figure...

I'm not naturally suspicious

How many axe murderers do you think date online?

Apparently you can't judge a dude-book by his cover-face. Do you think though that perhaps the occasionally good looking guy who also happens to be an axe murder is the rarity and the guy who looks kind of creepy is likely, actually creepy? Let me clarify, there is a difference between guys who I personally just happen to not find attractive and guys who give me the heebie jeebies via photo. A physically gifted fellow can be just as creepy as the genetically unfortunate one.

Let me list, from my weeks of personal experience, elements of a photo that will land you on the Island of Misfit Axe Murdering Creepy Dudes. I have personally been matched with or contacted by guys with one or more of the following characteristics.

• No smiling, in any of your photos (is the world that awful?)
• A picture obviously taken of you while laying in bed. (Eww)
  
• Extreme close-ups not humorous in nature. (Pores do turn me on, how did you know?)
  
• Photos with bad crop jobs where you can still see some girls hair. (Remind me of people who go around ripping their exes out of framed photos and putting the pictures back in the frames).
• Attempted and Failed Smizing. (failed smiling with the eyes=angry, very angry)
• No eyes visible in any photos. (What are you hiding?)
  
• Photos that could be mistaken for (or are?) mugshots. ("I swear it was just a traffic violation!")
• Almost all flavor-savor facial hair. (Why? Just in case Limp Bizkit has tryouts for the reunion tour?)
• Thug face. (I'mma let you finish, oh wait, you did already, because you don't care if I do, EVER.)
• Posing with an axe. (Okay, that one didn't really happen)

Happy Hunting.

Just keep Swimming

When I quickly read my e-mail from Mr. Princess the other day I didn't notice the part where he asked to grab a drink sometime next week. Yes, a drink not a marathon date. Nice. Replied and agreed. This one is having some good potential and making me have a slight nerd smile.

I still haven't figured out how to get rid of those who "noticed me" whom I don't want to notice back, they are clogging up my matches and making me feel more popular than I am. It must be like facebook poking, pointless and kind of annoying after a few pokes.

Chemistry is telling me I have a "Hidden Chemistry" with one fellow... let's see how deeply buried it is. Oh he's actually kind of cute. Thanks Chemistry. Conservative... is it time to be open-minded about that? Scary, what if he tries to commandeer my uterus for my own good but then doesn't give me money for medical costs? Guess it's a risk I'll take.

Going down the list....

You say you are good looking but you don't include a picture. So either you are so good looking you are tired of being judged on your good looks or you are not good looking and also a liar. Hum...I'll ask him for a photo and decide later.

Guy seems cute but looks really different in all the pictures. Another Conservative, sigh. Where are my nutty but adorable liberals? Probably off corrupting the mainstream media somewhere... I can only handle one conservative at a time, sorry.

Weird this guy has a very similar opening line as the last guy. Something is rotten in Denmark.

A yes to a guy who may or may not be cute. (I'm feeling very vain right now)

A no to a guy with a little head.

Oh and I'll say yes to you because your headline is a DMB lyric.

Finished with that part. I have decided to get to know 3 more men. I should keep a running total.
Now to send off the quick step ones and then put off the short answer questions because now I'm worn out again. Good thing all of these potentials don't turn into real dates, I'd be exhausted.

I'm kind of curious if Chemistry doesn't tell you if you are rejected. I have some dudes who I started the process with but then they stopped replying. Did they reject me and Chemistry didn't even tell me? It's okay Chemistry I can take it.

Done. Feeling Accomplished.

Sifting Through the Potentials

Here we are getting back on the horse.

Step One: Reply to Plenty of Fish emails since it's been about 3 days.

He's talking about Harry Potter. My only thoughts are, if your face already kind of looks like a scarecrow best not to accentuate that fact with livestock and farmer hat. Replied but a short one. I told you I'm a sucker for Harry Potter. Also, it never occurred to me that someone could have an interest in cast iron cookware, huh. Whatever floats your boat.

Agreed to a music swap with most talked to fella on Plenty of Fish. Gave him my real name which I suppose means it's time for him to have an alias. Introducing... Mr. Captain. I'm just randomly making up these names in a way that they somehow remind me who they pertain to.

Random and short email from someone from Greeley. Greeley smells like cows and leftover Musgrave Evil Sauce, I refuse to go to Greeley. Sorry chap.

Hum, decent looking but already suggesting I call....divorced...
What do you think it means to be a dude in your early 30's or even late 20's and be divorced? I think there are a few choices: Just Bad Luck, Impulsive (married too young or too quickly), Super Religious (married to get laid), Lousy Husband, Desperate (married wrong just to be married), what else?
I think I'll ponder this and wait on a reply.

Referenced something on my profile (point). Asked me if I like a band, a band I do like (point). Two points gets you a reply before I even look at your profile. Sigh, you could be cute but you have a chinchilla ass growing off of your chin. Or perhaps it's just a merkin? Oh good news, the profile says the merkin is no more. Good.

Finally, I don't like yo' face. Sorry.

This concludes Plenty of Fish dating for today.

Free Day Tuesday

Hello friends,

So as you may have noticed my updates were sorely lacking yesterday. I'd like to claim that this was due to my ever exciting lifestyle and how I often party hard on Tuesday nights. Actually, I don't want to claim I party hard on Tuesday nights. I'm too old for that and I graduated university much too long ago for that to be something worth bragging about. I digress.

In fact, I was just burnt out. I thought about getting out the ol' computer after I got home from family dinner around 7:30 PM but I just didn't have the drive. So I didn't check out new matches, answer any emails or even really think about it. Being the ever interested public that you are, though, meant that you didn't wait for me to give you your daily dose of dating you went out and found it yourself. Good on you, being proactive is hot. Then you sent the information to me (or your twitter from which I stole it) and now I will continue being lazy and share your findings, as they were my own.

Firstly, apparently you can just skip the dating all together and get you some sexy mail order husbands. Chea sent me this link. Why she is looking for a husband is beyond me since she already has a pretty swell one lined up. I guess it doesn't hurt to window shop and if she window shops here I think it can only help her fiance's case. The Austrian in the list does not qualify for my aforementioned rule of I'll get to know you just because you speak German. Good thing I'm looking to date and not to marry. Have fun Chea!

Secondly, Kevin sent this link out to the general world but I'm pretty sure I'm his only friend for who it pertains to so we'll just say he sent it to me. This is actually a somewhat useful article. I took away a few things from it. So you all know, the picture I'm using on both my sites is the same one that is on this page. I would qualify it as "flirty, smiling, looking away from camera, no eye contact." According to the article, I fail. I'm smiling but in the wrong direction, it is a downward shot but isn't showing any cleavage (parkas aren't sexy? huh) and it's taken with a camera that is capable of focusing. There are some less obvious points in the article that should be somewhat obvious.

In the discussion about whether men should indeed use The Situation photos they said it seemed effective to a point. The younger girls coo for sexy ab photos where perhaps the older women don't. As someone who falls towards the older end of this graph I'd like to give my reasoning for why I tend not to care for sexy muscle photos. Sexy muscle photos belong to douche bags. Need proof: watch the Jersey Shore, The Situation is 27. So I hypothesize that as we women age, we learn that the guys who are super-proud of their bodies tend to be douchier. Something we have learned from experience in our younger days after the inevitable road rash that comes from six-pack-chasing. Now don't get me wrong. I'm sure you can be super hot stuff and still a really nice guy but you are not going to prove it to me by showing off the goods right off the bat.

Secondly, there is a graph, "Women, Aging and Messaging," that seems to show that the effectiveness of a cleavage shot over other photos actually improves as women age. This might be, as suggested, due to the fact that as women age they are less likely to include such photos and therefore when there is such a picture it's more of a novelty and in turn peaks more interest. I would find it interesting if they correlated this with the age of the men messaging. I want to throw a completely non-factual based hypothesis that the effectiveness of the older-lady cleavage shot is at least influenced by the fact that the older single male is actually more of a douche than his younger counterpart. BOOOBIES!

Finally, my favorite graph is "A Chance Message Leads to an Actual Conversation." I feel like this is the most useful graph for women who aren't just seeking pointless attention. It actually tries to quantify the quality of responses (without hacking into people's e-mails) and correlate them with the type of picture. Thankfully, these results are not surprising. If you are representing yourself as a half-naked drunk, you will be treated as such. Looking like a douchette gets you a douche, go figure.

The only photo types that produce low findings that I thought would be higher are the "taken outdoors" and "having fun with friends" photos. The outdoors ones I would think would appeal to the population who overwhelmingly likes camping. Guess not. The second, I'd think a suitor would like to know that you are not socially leotarded and can have friends. This backfires, however, if your friends are hotter than you. I've noticed this in glancing over the man profiles, if he is standing next to someone hotter than he is, my brain goes, "can I meet your friend?" Then he drops two hottie percentage points by association.

So it looks like I have even more work to do. I need to find and/or take a flirty, smiling at the camera with slight cleavage while I'm doing something interesting with an animal photo. Like this.

Decisions, decisions

I might choose to get to know you because you are German, even if I'm not sure why you are wearing a cowboy hat.

I might choose not to learn more about you even though you seem cute but sometimes have guido-ish spiked hair. Well it was only one picture... Mr. Princess has put me in a more accepting mood.

Maybe online dating is all backwards. I think most successful relationships I know probably didn't work on paper when they started. Here I am picking based on paper. I can't believe how much harder this is than I feel like it should be.

The Slow Float

I haven't talked about Plenty of Fish recently, aside from that super crazy profile. There has been a small amount of action. I've been getting a lot of attention from, well, pot heads. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I just don't think that would be a solid relationship base, for me. So I decided to change the answer I thought was probably producing the responses like that. So much for honesty.
I have been talking with someone who seems interesting. He's into art and music and perhaps has a hipster haircut. I just realized I've been viewing the 25-year-olds (like him) as the guys who are my age. Oh sad, old lady, you wish.
Anyway, The rest have been random one line messages of little value and effort. I still haven't made the effort to send a first message but it's a lot of work this double life.

Maybe?

I can't date a guy just because he has a cute cat. Right?
Oh not if he's in Crested Butte... only close cats need apply.

Harry Potter, the way to my Heart

I responded to a person just because he knew that my picture was me dressed up as Luna Lovegood. It's a very effective screening process, that picture. Yoda thinks so too.

Chemistry Round One ::Ding::

My method worked and now I have a lot of perusing and deciding to do. I must have chosen my words and photos wisely (or people are easily impressed) because I have ten suitors interested in me and one who noticed me. I don't know what the difference is between the two categories.
The first on the list has a headline that reads "I love my wiener...dog that is :)" Poorly chosen words and use of emoticon. Makes me think of the unfortunate picture of a testicle I received on my phone on Friday night and my college roommate's annoying dog. His profile isn't too bad but he doesn't provide a picture which is just dumb, in my opinion. This isn't the Dating Game, dude.

Second guy has a picture and looks like my Godfather and some creepy Everquest player mated about 29 years ago. At this point I wonder, if you know you won't be attracted is it even worth it to spend the 36.8 seconds reading the profile? He needs a singer.... I'm not your lady, at all.

Third guy, no picture again. I just don't understand this. I might have liked you but you aren't showing all your cards... Next. Oh there is a button you can click to "request photo," still stupid.
Fourth guy, is it wrong to deny someone for simply wearing a paperboy hat?

Oh man I just realized there are more than ten to go through. This is time consuming....

Found a potential. He has stupid facial hair but well that's more temporary than a love for paperboy hats. I will click... learn more.
I'm learning a lot about myself through this process for instance I don't want to date a cast member of The Newsies, fellas who aren't ballsy enough to include a picture or guys with pear shaped heads.

You had me until "my favorite band is Social Distortion." I'm a snob, I fully admit it.
Ok eventhough you have an non-ironic mohawk and a frat t-shirt on, I'll give it a shot. See, detailed profiles can make a difference.

I still can't believe that they don't have the option of "not attracted to yo' face." Is it to make people feel better? So you are forcing me to lie?

Chemistry lists what the person has chosen to look for along side what they "are" and I find it, I don't know, lazy verging on desperate if every answer is "any" or "no prefrence." Really, you don't care if I'm a 400 pound, worshipper or Satan, divorcee with 3 kids who lives with her parents and drinks like a fish? Ok then.

I think I'm done. I currently have six Connections, meaning I clicked "Learn More," one "Decide Later" and four chaps waiting in limbo, sorry chaps.

Total time: 1.5 hours-ish

Let the hard work begin

I have my first messages...

#1: Subject: Hi
Message: Hello.
First Impression from small photo: The Situation
Impression from Profile: The Situation who thinks purdy is a word.

Conclusions: Good first line, don't know why I haven't used that one, I don't know if you just ignore but if you do, that's what I'll do.

#2: Subject: Hey
Message: I read your profile and thought I'd say hi...

What sort of things do you like to do for fun??
First Impression: Did you really read my profile? (Did I fail to mention any interests)
Second Impression from Profile: Picture hard to really tell what he looks like. Nothing jumps out. Just there.

Conclusions: Not ready for a decision. Not thrilled by his profile but not horrified.

#3: Subject: Hi
Message: Too long to post
First Impression: He took time to write, isn't posing with his shirt off but it might be a scam, just seems nice (cynical much?)
2nd Impression from Profile: Apparently in denial of Hipsterness (something we apparently have in common). One picture shows evidence of Pauly D Hair.

Conclusions: Will likely write him back. He can use real sentences and therefore probably read them too.

On an unrelated note. I like how this site has a pictures banner so you can basically window shop. Nice.