Showing posts with label jersey shore. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jersey shore. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Tut tut it looks like rain
Well get out your fist pumps ladies and gents because I am The Situation. I was just propositioned by Mr. Captain for a hang out on Thursday. I am, as you know, previously engaged with Mr. Princess that night, however I think I will try to place Mr. Captain somewhere in next week. Mr. Captain is from Plenty of Fish and so far the only person from that site who I've exchanged messages with and who hasn't creeped me out. Activate the Ronnie dance...
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Free Day Tuesday
Hello friends,
So as you may have noticed my updates were sorely lacking yesterday. I'd like to claim that this was due to my ever exciting lifestyle and how I often party hard on Tuesday nights. Actually, I don't want to claim I party hard on Tuesday nights. I'm too old for that and I graduated university much too long ago for that to be something worth bragging about. I digress.
In fact, I was just burnt out. I thought about getting out the ol' computer after I got home from family dinner around 7:30 PM but I just didn't have the drive. So I didn't check out new matches, answer any emails or even really think about it. Being the ever interested public that you are, though, meant that you didn't wait for me to give you your daily dose of dating you went out and found it yourself. Good on you, being proactive is hot. Then you sent the information to me (or your twitter from which I stole it) and now I will continue being lazy and share your findings, as they were my own.
Firstly, apparently you can just skip the dating all together and get you some sexy mail order husbands. Chea sent me this link. Why she is looking for a husband is beyond me since she already has a pretty swell one lined up. I guess it doesn't hurt to window shop and if she window shops here I think it can only help her fiance's case. The Austrian in the list does not qualify for my aforementioned rule of I'll get to know you just because you speak German. Good thing I'm looking to date and not to marry. Have fun Chea!
Secondly, Kevin sent this link out to the general world but I'm pretty sure I'm his only friend for who it pertains to so we'll just say he sent it to me. This is actually a somewhat useful article. I took away a few things from it. So you all know, the picture I'm using on both my sites is the same one that is on this page. I would qualify it as "flirty, smiling, looking away from camera, no eye contact." According to the article, I fail. I'm smiling but in the wrong direction, it is a downward shot but isn't showing any cleavage (parkas aren't sexy? huh) and it's taken with a camera that is capable of focusing. There are some less obvious points in the article that should be somewhat obvious.
In the discussion about whether men should indeed use The Situation photos they said it seemed effective to a point. The younger girls coo for sexy ab photos where perhaps the older women don't. As someone who falls towards the older end of this graph I'd like to give my reasoning for why I tend not to care for sexy muscle photos. Sexy muscle photos belong to douche bags. Need proof: watch the Jersey Shore, The Situation is 27. So I hypothesize that as we women age, we learn that the guys who are super-proud of their bodies tend to be douchier. Something we have learned from experience in our younger days after the inevitable road rash that comes from six-pack-chasing. Now don't get me wrong. I'm sure you can be super hot stuff and still a really nice guy but you are not going to prove it to me by showing off the goods right off the bat.
Secondly, there is a graph, "Women, Aging and Messaging," that seems to show that the effectiveness of a cleavage shot over other photos actually improves as women age. This might be, as suggested, due to the fact that as women age they are less likely to include such photos and therefore when there is such a picture it's more of a novelty and in turn peaks more interest. I would find it interesting if they correlated this with the age of the men messaging. I want to throw a completely non-factual based hypothesis that the effectiveness of the older-lady cleavage shot is at least influenced by the fact that the older single male is actually more of a douche than his younger counterpart. BOOOBIES!
Finally, my favorite graph is "A Chance Message Leads to an Actual Conversation." I feel like this is the most useful graph for women who aren't just seeking pointless attention. It actually tries to quantify the quality of responses (without hacking into people's e-mails) and correlate them with the type of picture. Thankfully, these results are not surprising. If you are representing yourself as a half-naked drunk, you will be treated as such. Looking like a douchette gets you a douche, go figure.
The only photo types that produce low findings that I thought would be higher are the "taken outdoors" and "having fun with friends" photos. The outdoors ones I would think would appeal to the population who overwhelmingly likes camping. Guess not. The second, I'd think a suitor would like to know that you are not socially leotarded and can have friends. This backfires, however, if your friends are hotter than you. I've noticed this in glancing over the man profiles, if he is standing next to someone hotter than he is, my brain goes, "can I meet your friend?" Then he drops two hottie percentage points by association.
So it looks like I have even more work to do. I need to find and/or take a flirty, smiling at the camera with slight cleavage while I'm doing something interesting with an animal photo. Like this.
So as you may have noticed my updates were sorely lacking yesterday. I'd like to claim that this was due to my ever exciting lifestyle and how I often party hard on Tuesday nights. Actually, I don't want to claim I party hard on Tuesday nights. I'm too old for that and I graduated university much too long ago for that to be something worth bragging about. I digress.
In fact, I was just burnt out. I thought about getting out the ol' computer after I got home from family dinner around 7:30 PM but I just didn't have the drive. So I didn't check out new matches, answer any emails or even really think about it. Being the ever interested public that you are, though, meant that you didn't wait for me to give you your daily dose of dating you went out and found it yourself. Good on you, being proactive is hot. Then you sent the information to me (or your twitter from which I stole it) and now I will continue being lazy and share your findings, as they were my own.
Firstly, apparently you can just skip the dating all together and get you some sexy mail order husbands. Chea sent me this link. Why she is looking for a husband is beyond me since she already has a pretty swell one lined up. I guess it doesn't hurt to window shop and if she window shops here I think it can only help her fiance's case. The Austrian in the list does not qualify for my aforementioned rule of I'll get to know you just because you speak German. Good thing I'm looking to date and not to marry. Have fun Chea!
Secondly, Kevin sent this link out to the general world but I'm pretty sure I'm his only friend for who it pertains to so we'll just say he sent it to me. This is actually a somewhat useful article. I took away a few things from it. So you all know, the picture I'm using on both my sites is the same one that is on this page. I would qualify it as "flirty, smiling, looking away from camera, no eye contact." According to the article, I fail. I'm smiling but in the wrong direction, it is a downward shot but isn't showing any cleavage (parkas aren't sexy? huh) and it's taken with a camera that is capable of focusing. There are some less obvious points in the article that should be somewhat obvious.
In the discussion about whether men should indeed use The Situation photos they said it seemed effective to a point. The younger girls coo for sexy ab photos where perhaps the older women don't. As someone who falls towards the older end of this graph I'd like to give my reasoning for why I tend not to care for sexy muscle photos. Sexy muscle photos belong to douche bags. Need proof: watch the Jersey Shore, The Situation is 27. So I hypothesize that as we women age, we learn that the guys who are super-proud of their bodies tend to be douchier. Something we have learned from experience in our younger days after the inevitable road rash that comes from six-pack-chasing. Now don't get me wrong. I'm sure you can be super hot stuff and still a really nice guy but you are not going to prove it to me by showing off the goods right off the bat.
Secondly, there is a graph, "Women, Aging and Messaging," that seems to show that the effectiveness of a cleavage shot over other photos actually improves as women age. This might be, as suggested, due to the fact that as women age they are less likely to include such photos and therefore when there is such a picture it's more of a novelty and in turn peaks more interest. I would find it interesting if they correlated this with the age of the men messaging. I want to throw a completely non-factual based hypothesis that the effectiveness of the older-lady cleavage shot is at least influenced by the fact that the older single male is actually more of a douche than his younger counterpart. BOOOBIES!
Finally, my favorite graph is "A Chance Message Leads to an Actual Conversation." I feel like this is the most useful graph for women who aren't just seeking pointless attention. It actually tries to quantify the quality of responses (without hacking into people's e-mails) and correlate them with the type of picture. Thankfully, these results are not surprising. If you are representing yourself as a half-naked drunk, you will be treated as such. Looking like a douchette gets you a douche, go figure.
The only photo types that produce low findings that I thought would be higher are the "taken outdoors" and "having fun with friends" photos. The outdoors ones I would think would appeal to the population who overwhelmingly likes camping. Guess not. The second, I'd think a suitor would like to know that you are not socially leotarded and can have friends. This backfires, however, if your friends are hotter than you. I've noticed this in glancing over the man profiles, if he is standing next to someone hotter than he is, my brain goes, "can I meet your friend?" Then he drops two hottie percentage points by association.
So it looks like I have even more work to do. I need to find and/or take a flirty, smiling at the camera with slight cleavage while I'm doing something interesting with an animal photo. Like this.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Step By Step
Heck Yes! I found the long-lost reject button, it's tiny and called "no longer interested." Good, now I can let the accidental guy down easily. Of course, I still can't stop those who have "noticed" me but I suppose they can just keep staring like those creepy old dudes at the Horseshoe. Sadly, at least those guys sometimes buy me shots, Chemistry should add a free shot feature.
I may have a Stage 5 Clinger (is that how you say it Vinny?). I did mean to call that first guy last night but I do have a life and I, you know, got busy (in many senses of the word). He's already sent another email giving me his real email address. I don't really understand the point of that. Then reiterated that I could call him. Chill dude, it's been 36 hours.
Last night, I decided an additional guideline which means that this little project can be summed up by this clever motto, No Serious Dating, No Serious Mating! I suppose that if someone asks me about my personal motto again I can use that.... yeah.
I may have a Stage 5 Clinger (is that how you say it Vinny?). I did mean to call that first guy last night but I do have a life and I, you know, got busy (in many senses of the word). He's already sent another email giving me his real email address. I don't really understand the point of that. Then reiterated that I could call him. Chill dude, it's been 36 hours.
Last night, I decided an additional guideline which means that this little project can be summed up by this clever motto, No Serious Dating, No Serious Mating! I suppose that if someone asks me about my personal motto again I can use that.... yeah.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Let the hard work begin
I have my first messages...
#1: Subject: Hi
Message: Hello.
First Impression from small photo: The Situation
Impression from Profile: The Situation who thinks purdy is a word.
Conclusions: Good first line, don't know why I haven't used that one, I don't know if you just ignore but if you do, that's what I'll do.
#2: Subject: Hey
Message: I read your profile and thought I'd say hi...
What sort of things do you like to do for fun??
First Impression: Did you really read my profile? (Did I fail to mention any interests)
Second Impression from Profile: Picture hard to really tell what he looks like. Nothing jumps out. Just there.
Conclusions: Not ready for a decision. Not thrilled by his profile but not horrified.
#3: Subject: Hi
Message: Too long to post
First Impression: He took time to write, isn't posing with his shirt off but it might be a scam, just seems nice (cynical much?)
2nd Impression from Profile: Apparently in denial of Hipsterness (something we apparently have in common). One picture shows evidence of Pauly D Hair.
Conclusions: Will likely write him back. He can use real sentences and therefore probably read them too.
On an unrelated note. I like how this site has a pictures banner so you can basically window shop. Nice.
#1: Subject: Hi
Message: Hello.
First Impression from small photo: The Situation
Impression from Profile: The Situation who thinks purdy is a word.
Conclusions: Good first line, don't know why I haven't used that one, I don't know if you just ignore but if you do, that's what I'll do.
#2: Subject: Hey
Message: I read your profile and thought I'd say hi...
What sort of things do you like to do for fun??
First Impression: Did you really read my profile? (Did I fail to mention any interests)
Second Impression from Profile: Picture hard to really tell what he looks like. Nothing jumps out. Just there.
Conclusions: Not ready for a decision. Not thrilled by his profile but not horrified.
#3: Subject: Hi
Message: Too long to post
First Impression: He took time to write, isn't posing with his shirt off but it might be a scam, just seems nice (cynical much?)
2nd Impression from Profile: Apparently in denial of Hipsterness (something we apparently have in common). One picture shows evidence of Pauly D Hair.
Conclusions: Will likely write him back. He can use real sentences and therefore probably read them too.
On an unrelated note. I like how this site has a pictures banner so you can basically window shop. Nice.
And So it Begins
After earlier talking about a dating site called Plenty of Fish and how everyone who has met anyone has used this free site the following (instant message) conversation occurred....
me:
me:
3:24 PM I'm sure I have more pressing issues I could be thinking about
like The Situation or Ronnie?
Sara: hahah
Sara: hahah3:25 PM Ronnie for sure
maybe not The Situation
me: def not
actually if I had to pick
Vinny
haha
sad life
Sara: well he really seems like the most normal
me: that's true
Sara: i loved how he walked in to work to tell his boss he couldn't work
me: what if I started dating a guy like Pauly D
Sara: because of pink eye
3:26 PM oh god
I'd slap you
me: no you'd pretend to like him
because I'd be so in love
hahah
and you'd have to inhale the fumes from his hair, forever
Sara: hahahahahaha
I'd try not to light a match near him
or he's burst into flames
3:28 PM me: good reason not to smoke
flammable boyfriend
me: and if you get the urge, just think of my poor boyfriend
me: and if you get the urge, just think of my poor boyfriend
Pauly D, catching on fire
I bet his hair would chemically melt
not even burn
3:31 PM Sara: "oh shit, I blew up kristen's boyfriend"
me: exactly
Sara: it would be tragic
me: after so much searching
kidding
3:32 PM I might still give it a try
Sara: lol
rachel felt like that at first too
me: I mean that's not much different than real life
And so an experiment has begun.
Steps completed so far...
1) Made blog
2) Informed married friend, Alissa, that I would finally go speed dating
3) Wrote this post
Steps for the immediate future...
1) Join douchey fishes, errr Plenty of Fish
2) Join other yet to be determined dating site
3) Have hot dates
me: I mean that's not much different than real life
online dating just makes the time line go faster
3:34 PM Sara: that's true
and at least you can email the guy a bit first
at least you don't have to show up on blind date with Pauly D
3:37 PM me: although it might make for funny stories
maybe I"ll join like 2 or 3 sites
and just go an a dating spree for like 3 months
and don't hang out with one guy too much until after the 3 months
(avoid a joe)
3:38 PM Sara: oh yeah
like...rachel had hilarious stories
at least you could get some free food
3:39 PM me: I could make a new blog
Kristen tries to find a date
haha
3:40 PM Sara: I think that would be awesome
3:41 PM me: hum...
it might make it more fun for me
if I could mock myself while doing it
3:43 PM Sara: well and it would make it more like a social experiment
3:44 PM me: which I'm sure has been done
but I'm not trying to get famous
3:45 PM Sara: exactly
it would just be interesting
for you and your friends
it might give you more of a mission
me: reason to follow through
Sara: and/or help you not take it as seriously if after every bad one you can say, "holy shit i need to write about that"
haha
3:46 PM me: exactly
this is a good idea
Sara: i think so
i would love to read that
3:47 PM me: my one true fan
Sara: haha
until the end, my dear
me: what should it be called?
Sara: hmmm
3:48 PM me: I'm drawing a blank
Kristen's Fishing Trip?
Sara: "No More Jaspers"
me: ohh that one is good
And so an experiment has begun.
Steps completed so far...
1) Made blog
2) Informed married friend, Alissa, that I would finally go speed dating
3) Wrote this post
Steps for the immediate future...
1) Join douchey fishes, errr Plenty of Fish
2) Join other yet to be determined dating site
3) Have hot dates
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