Mail's Here!

I'm extremely behind on my plenty of fish emails. I intended to do them last night but as fate would have it the day I finally decide to trust the wireless in my building by returning my personal router to COMCAST (grrr) the internet goes out. Better slightly later than never. This may be a long one...

1) I almost never reply to one liner emails that say, "You seem pretty cool and are very cute, want to chat sometime?" but something about his profile made him seem normal so I'll give it a shot.

2) I often complain to whoever will listen that the adjectives beautiful and pretty have become severely underused by the men in exchange for hot. I'm not complaining about being called hot because, well, I can be quite hot. It would just be nice to get that more classy feminine compliment of beautiful. However, that desire does not become satisfied by emails that start with, "Hey beautiful." Perhaps I'm being picky but it just doesn't feel sincere.

3) This one is actually a response from someone who seems very interesting. Traveler and such. Borders on pretentious in his profile but seems fine in email, so far. I'll write my response to his question, "What do you consider home?" Of course, now I feel like I need to come up with some clever philosophical question in response. Bllllaaaankkkk

****Unrelated note, I was having a conversation with Tom about online dating the other day, shout out Tom! He told me that a significant percentage of men on dating sites, especially free ones, are married. I tend to believe Tom when he gives out figures because I know he does a lot of research into all types of things. I feel like now I need to watch for married hints as well as creeper hints.****

4) Well that's funny... "I'm willing to bet you’ve gotten about 650 emails so far from dirty old married men who want to be your sugar daddy." I would have replied if you didn't have this on your profile: "The point when I realized that the female orgasm never ceases to entertain" It may be true but you needn't bring it up right off the bat.

5) 162 words (put in Word just to see) all about how awesome you are. Neat.

6) meh

7) Picture looks familiar.... in a bad way.

8) Profile not bad but just not hot for ya.

9) I call B.S. further investigation: a$$

10) See Guy on Right add a soul patch.

11) Not bad but when you don't include a question. How do I respond? Wing it guess. I'll respond you might be cute.

Rumor has it meeting someone nice is all about the numbers. The more frequently you respond the more likely it is you'll meet someone who won't kill you. Unless you're already dead. Then you're an outlier and we don't count you. I'm going to start a dating website for zombies. Oh no I'm not because it already exists, of course it does. I should have known zombies are all about the love. Click that link, it's pretty funny.

12) Oh my favorite email thus far. Attached a half naked (clipped from a magazine?) photo. Profile says he lives in Mexico DF (Mexico City). I bet he also likes everything I like and makes 1 million dollars every week! How did I get so lucky to meet the perfect guy? Wow.

13) Beatles lyric as subject line. Awwww. Sigh... pictures look like a series of..."look at the pictures I took of myself after I woke up from a major drug bender! Aren't I hot?" Figures. Seven photos not one smiling. I like happy people. No thanks.

14) Meh.

15) Double Meh. Looks familiar again. Perhaps they are all beginning to run together?

I thought I was done but got two more in the time I was reviewing all of these. I have figured out the more you linger on the site and surf the profiles the more attention you get. The site puts people who are online on a banner type thing and also shows if you've viewed someone's profile.

Extra 1) "Want to Learn More?" Nope.

Extra 2) I'm really not the type who gets mad if English isn't your first language so it's not perfect. Heck, I know how it is when I bumble around in Germany. However, give me some sort of indication so I know that it's a language thing and not just a dumb thing.

Sweet Jebus. I just got a response. I'm leaving before I never get off this site and this post NEVER ends.

Venereal Disease Day Cards

Errrr I mean Valentine's Day Cards. For that special someone for whom hitting send is just enough...

http://kronikle.kidrobot.com/send-a-vday-ecard/your-ecard-has-been-sent-send-another-vday-ecard/

Dates on the Horizon

Mr. Doppelganger called me while I was at speed dating. He left a message (point!). Then he called again last night (point!). I was kind of a little bit buzzed; that Horseshoe Lounge mixes a strong drink. We had a nice conversation. I don't think he even really cared that I was slightly intoxicated because he asked me to hang out this weekend. Unfortunately I'll be out of town but I did make arrangements to call him on Sunday (forgetting that's VD) to arrange a hang out next week. So there's that.

One Whole Month, warm fuzzies

It's the one month anniversary of my dating extravaganza! I know you'd normally send gifts to my PO Box; I believe the one month anniversary is the chick-fil-a anniversary so hand delivery might be better. Nom Nuggets.

Now I would like to do a quick recap of all that has (or hasn't) been accomplished in one month's time. Starting with the monetary recap...

Money I spent:
$40 Chemistry
$35 Speed Dating
$60 Happy Hours/Bar Outings
$15 Going-Dutch Date (he didn't even offer, rude)
Total: $150.00

Money spent on me:
$1 PBR at happy hour
$5 (approx.) shot at happy hour
$3 Beer on date
$6 (approx.) snacks at speed dating
Total: $15.00

I need to work on dates, the kind where I get food and the boy pays.

Other numbers of interest:

1 Makey-Outey (officially)
1 Broken date
♥ html code learned
2 Awesome hugs from near strangers
2 Awkward hugs from near strangers
3 Crushes (unavailable, celebrity and disappointing)
3 Dance partners
5 New guys with my phone number
10 Real dates (counting the 8 at speed dating)
60 Plenty of Fish messages
140 Chemistry "not-reallys" (including those who not really'd me)
306 Total e-mails from dating events/sites

That's pretty alright for a month, right? I hope so.

Because I Care

Speed Dating Rating

They give you a place to take notes. Forgot to do that. It just feels weird to write while someone is talking to you. They give you a place to write down the date's name. I forgot to write one and in one I wrote my own (see: Freudian Slip, apparently I just want to date myself). Let's rate!

♥ Refresh on Rating System ♥

Mingle guy 1 (name unknown): ♥♥ I was trying to get a glass of water from the slowest bartender I've ever seen. He asked if I'd been speed dating before. I said no, I don't really know how it works. He kind of explained. I went away to get food.

Mingle guy 2 (John, maybe?): ♥: From a distance looked cute. Up close looked old. A certified strange bird. DING!

Date 1 (Eric): ♥♥ Kind of dull. Asked if I liked sports. Are guys looking for a girl who likes sports? Or do they just not have anything else to talk about? He was one of at least three who asked that question. Bombarded me with questions like we were playing 20 Questions: The Dating Version, with little to no reaction when I answered. DING!

Date 2 (Jeffrey):♥♥♥ Probably my best date of the evening. Really interesting to talk to, especially considering he is an engineer. (Seriously, someone needs to start a non-profit for the poor lonely male employees of Lockheed Martin). I didn't feel the spark of attraction but I wouldn't mind hanging out with him. We also talked at the beginning of the second mingle session. DING!

Date 3 (Axel):♥ This was a really strange one. Apparently Axel is not his real name but didn't say why he has or was using this nickname. He didn't get my Guns n' Roses joke; yes, I went there. I noticed that as the night went on he got excessively drunk and friendly with his other dates. Yikes! DING!

Date 4 (Mark):♥ I really don't remember much about this one except that he is a lawyer, an awkward one, and conversation didn't flow. The only person who I with I felt the 8 minutes dragged on forever. DING!

Mingle guy 2 and Date 7 (Jeremy): ♥♥ This is where the bitter older lady came in to play. She talked right over me to talk to him and he must have not been really interested as he tried to get me to stay in their conversation. Too bad for him, I wanted Sushi. On our date we talked easily but he kind of gave me the creeps. Perhaps it was because he was bragging about how the organizers asked him to attend (suuuure they did).

Mingle guy 3 and also Date 6 (Robert): ♥ ♥ I grabbed my food knowing I'd have little time to down my snacks before that damn bell rang again. Sat across from the least intimidating/closest to the food fella. He was nice but definitely the typical geeky guy. I like dorks but yeah sorry, no. DING!

Date 5 (Kyle): ♥ ♥ ♥ I really dislike the name Kyle so I was worried for this guy at the start. He was nice to talk to and possibly cute or maybe he just had on a really cool hoodie. I didn't get the vibe from him back so that killed any I may have had towards him. DING!

Date 8 (Gabriel): ♥ Oh wait, he wasn't my date he just creepily came over and told me, "Here write my name down so you don't forget it." Then walked off like the creeper he was. Tool.

Real Date 8 (Dave): ♥ ♥ The problem with common named guys is that chances are I've already dated someone with your name. Double bummer if it was my most serious relationship. He was interesting we talked about Prague. He just had David's name and body shape and been there done that. Sorry, dude. DING!

Bathroom!

Mingle guy 4 (name unknown): ♥ I was just trying to sneak out and his big line was about whether I had a date with "close-talker guy." Lousy line. Nothing shows that you are lame like hitting on a lady by mocking someone else, especially when she doesn't know what you are talking about. Looked like he was friends with Kyle. Demotion Kyle.

Left.

Even though I didn't walk away from the experience with any hot date prospects it was still a fun experience and a nice break from what I've been up to over the past month. I don't know if it is completely worth the money if you were going to do it often but perhaps as something fun to do once a year it's alright. I think it's advantageous to go alone because then you really do have to mingle. You could tell the girls who came together because they just grouped together and didn't talk to any guys during mingle time.

I still need to practice my answer to the uber lame question, "What do you do for fun?" Even though it's lame you still need a better than lame answer. I'm currently working with an answer that sounds something like, "I enjoy planning my next vacation." Yes, a bit pretentious but completely true.

The Logistics of Speed Dating

Normally before I write a post I formulate the general idea and tone of my post. Since, however, my 3 fans are already bombarding me for information I will tell you about my adventure into speed dating in free-form.

For starters it was located in the Highlands which automatically meant two things: I got lost and I got grumpy. At least due to my getting lost I happened to pull up right as someone left a perfect parking spot so there was that. The walk to the venue was still treacherous as I decided to go full out and wear my tallest heels. Patent leather is my game face.

I got there about ten minutes late which was alright since it was still mingle time. Mostly I was just concerned with getting my $35 worth of sushi and appetizers (spoiler: not accomplished).

The advantage of going to this type of event alone versus a party or bar is that everyone there knows why they are there and acts accordingly. This means I didn't even have to try very much to mingle because anyone I even just stood next to struck up a conversation with me.

The event included two age groups for the speed dating. In the mingle portion though, the oldies and youngsters comingled. Then you just have no idea how old people are. My ability to distinguish age is better than my ability to distinguish height but apparently not by much. I had one encounter with a lady from the older age group who likely was not on her first cocktail and acted somewhat resentful towards me for being younger (see: hotter). How's that bitter working for you sweetheart? Thought so.

Anyway, after the forced mingling the speed dating begun. Round one included four literal 8-minute dates.There really is a dating card to copy the person's name and check a box if you want to see them again for dating, friendship or business. Then you chat. They give suggested questions which were pretty typical and heavily used. There really is a bell that they ring and you switch to your next assigned spot.

After the first four dates (don't worry I'll tell you about the actual dates in the next post) there was another 20 minute mingle time. I, of course, went back to stuffing my face with appetizers (I didn't eat dinner and haven't had sushi in a long time). I doubt anyone is surprised that I choose food over flirting. The night ended with 4 more 8 minute dates and of course the opportunity to mingle some more. I went to the bathroom. I'm so good a dating!

So that's how it works.

P.S. I forgot to mention that I decided to wear my glasses. I figured the smarts of the glasses counterbalanced the slutty of the tall shoes. That and I've been told a few times recently that I look good in them. Experiments, fun and stuff.

I can haz hawt date

http://icanhascheezburger.com/2010/02/02/funny-pictures-awkward-2/

Permission to Judge

I found these great forums on Plenty of Fish where people often ask others to review their profiles and give tips on improving them. So better than let strangers review me, I'll let you, my 4 fans do it. This way I know where to send the letter bombs.

Here's my Plenty of Fish Profile.

Go forth and improve!

Double take

After a few e-mails I gave the math teacher look-a-like guy my phone number. Since before I'd just jumped right to the meeting (probably to get it over with) perhaps the phone call will be a better in between step. I hesitated because he claims to be 30 and 30 sounds old. Then I had to remind myself that I'm 26, not very far from 30 (ahhhh). CoolGuy77 is older than 30 and he's only creepy like 19.5% of the time. So maybe this will be alright.

We'll see if he calls. Mr. Doppelganger.

8 Dates Preview

I just watched a very old Today Show video about 8 Minute Dating to try to learn a bit more of what I am in for tomorrow. Since you, the reader, are much too busy and important to sit through it I will sum it up for you.

Fun Party! Harmonicas. C SPAN. Intermissions. Mingling. Engineers. High Fives. Suggested Questions. Up to 100 people. Dating Cards. Everybody Wang Chung Tonight. Prizes.

I did not know that I would be forced to mingle. I guess in a way it makes it good that 0 of 3 of the people who talked about accompanying me are not actually going. I will take this as an opportunity to practice mingling, that or as training for a sushi eating contest. NOM Spicy Tuna Roll NOM!

like it is

I'm getting worn out. I can't believe it hasn't even been a month. I hope that speed dating this week (Tuesday) is fun and gives me a boost of energy. Actively attempting to date really isn't all fun and games. Doing this makes me realize that I've never before tried like I am now. I like having a relationship and I don't always mind being alone but this, this is exhausting.

Tonight is a Sex and the City watching kind of night.

OMFG! Die text messaging!

So I didn't mention in my last post that the guy with my number from last night sent me a text message. I didn't mention it because I figured given my not responding response it wouldn't really be noteworthy. How I wish I wasn't wrong.

View the text message conversation (stupid ass text messaging, more on that later).

Dumbass: Let me know when you want directions to the Super bowl party
Me: :::crickets:::

4 Hours Later.

Dumbass: Lame.
Me: Text messages are lame. Sorry I was just playing wingwoman last night.
Dumbass: Poorly.
Me: Wow nice. Buzz off. (Yes, I really said buzz off)
Dumbass: Okayyyyyy...good talk see ya out there...
Me: :::crickets:::

This irritation would have never occurred if text messaging didn't exist in dating. I know there is no sense in complaining about it because it's here and it's queer (mentally unbalanced or deranged). I just can't get over how text messaging allows pussying out and apparently straight up asshole behavior. I have never had a hostile phone conversation with a near stranger, a near stranger who wants to get in my pants, leotarded.

Maybe clubs and bars aren't for me. You win this one Eharmony commercial.

I'm going to practice my no, you can't have my number speech.

Saturday Night Out

Last night I finally made it to the much rumored North and while their cocktails were good the manhunt scene was not. All girls at the bar, save a couple of fellas who seemed like a couple. We didn't have much time to waste so we finished our drinks and went to old reliable Govnr's Park.

Things were looking up because as soon as we ordered our drinks there was a pair of guys who were giving us an extreme stare down. They didn't talk to us as we walked by, then they just stared at us for about 15 minutes. I even gave them that come over and talk to me eyeball that I learned from the movies. After more staring and no talking I started to wonder if I had something on my face or perhaps a Gremlin hanging off my back. Finally, the less cute of the two came over and delivered one of the most poorly thought out pick up lines that I've ever been on the receiving end of. Something about whether his friend should tilt his hat to the side while his hat wearing friend sent us all the stink eye. We decided his hat was good as it was, figuring this would lure the cuter one over; instead they both just left. Strange, indeed.

We moved our party of two and two-for-ones to the pool room. I played wingwoman as my partner in single crime had her eye on one of the three guys at the table next to us. It turned out that the guy of her desires was slightly involved, although I think he was still flirting with her. I got tricked into giving my number to the guy I was wingwomaning. Not only did he imply multiple times that he wanted it, each time I blatantly said no, but he went as far to hand me my phone with the pretense of Tetris and then insisted I put my number in his phone. The combination of me being a horrible liar and vodka sours always means I give my number out to guys whom I don't really want to call me. It's still nice to be asked, I guess...

Hello wine, my friend.

No man action at happy hour tonight. You can't win 'em all, ha ha. I think tomorrow night will be more of a prowling type of evening, whereas tonight I thoroughly enjoyed the just girls time.

I did hear a horror story about an internet boyfriend that hopefully I can share here soon. Let's just say if you are internet dating in Connecticut maybe take a short break for the time being.

I liked Prince Harry more anyway

Hey!

I think I just got internet dumped. I've been wondering how this works on Chemistry. I had a feeling that they let you down so easily that you don't even know you've been let down. Previously Mr. Princess still appeared on my list of "Connections" now he is no where to be found.

No notification of my breakage.

Poor form Chemistry, poor form.

Even Berger leaves a post it.

Post Edit:
Ohhh I found out how I can tell if I've been sent to pasture. I have to go to my "Not Reallys" and scroll until I see that someone not really-ed me. Mr Princess said "I'm not a good fit." Hum, well put Mr. Princess, if not in a kind of lame and wussy way.

Live in 24 pixels.

Well that's lame.

Chemistry took my photo, squeezed it into a square and made me look blurry and extremely wide. So much for upping my hotness factor. This could have been easily remedied if it didn't take them 24 hours to "approve" my photo. At least the new picture is up and running on fishy site.

I know my Calculus

Oh gosh. Promising email on Plenty of Fish. Went to look at profile, not super hot but could be cute. THEN in one of the pictures he looked like Mr. Hendren! Oh man I'm laughing so hard on the inside I may die. For those of you who I didn't go to high school with, Mr. Hendren was my super crazy British math teacher. He would send students to the office to inform the staff that the faeries and gnomes were fighting in the senior hallway. He listened to trance music on a disc-man anytime he wasn't teaching. He would let us do our "work" outside under the tree. He would often buy Zach and me coffee if we got one for him at Starbucks during our free period. He constantly drank some kind of mystery liquid out of an eyedropper.

Oh internet dating, you crack me up. I'm 100% going to try to meet this guy.

You + Me = US

Random thoughts...

while reviewing the matches.

Do you think more self-proclaimed Denver conservatives end up on dating sites because the majority of people in Denver are cool liberal types who want to date other cool liberals?

Someone can be automatically disqualified for sticking out tongue and flashing the rock fingers, even ironically.

I think the more you write (except that weird life story guy) the better. I become convinced to give a guy a try based on what he says much more often than based upon his pictures.

I'm going to become not interested in all people who take over 2 weeks to respond. No waiting around I only have so much time.

I miss Eharmony.

Finally, again, spell check, Geez.

I like Turtles

Getting back to the dirty work of internet dating. I had one short answer response to read on Chemistry and that guy really took the short to heart; 50% one word answers and 50% two word answers. Wow, it's been so much fun getting to know you. Now that I know you wish you could... "fly." That's deep. I'll also be able to distinguish you from the pack due to your guilty pleasure of "beer." Lame.

Three emails on Plenty of Fish. I resolve to this week making a first email myself.
One guy who I think already emailed me, yes that creepy non-smiling looks vaguely familiar...
This guy:
"im just looking for someone who thinks they can handle me and my life. which apparently is not an easy thing too. what happened to all the strong women out therE?" (Yes dude, it's obviously all our faults)
Oh and a cute artsy Brit? Are you real? Hum... I see a little ray of sunshine. Or I'll just get a tan from standing in the English rain.

So after some thinking I think I'm going to change my primary photo. I know I look adorable in the original but instead I'm substituting this one, it's recent, I'm wearing lipstick and my hair was done by a professional. That and it's one of the few where I don't have a turtle-like-neck or that family trait of pseudo double chin. It also shows off my talents of photo cropping because you don't see my brother's floating ear in the background. Let the interested roll in...