I had a dream I could read Tarot cards.
Then I had this horoscope, "You may feel reality catching up with you now that karmic Saturn is squaring your key planet Pluto. You know that change is possible, even necessary, but it could seem too overwhelming today to do anything about it at all. If it feels like you have bitten off more than you can chew, declare a temporary moratorium to give yourself some downtime. You'll have a better chance to meet your deadlines if you take a break to replenish your energy."
I'm taking a break. See you Tuesday.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
On a Serious Note
If you've read the majority of the posts on this site you'll notice they have a humorous tone. Sure, I get cynical. Sometimes I even talk about how doing this can get tough. I wouldn't be being honest if I didn't point that out. Overall, though, this whole thing is supposed to be for fun. It's not about finding my shiny super duper soul mate in three months. I've gone 26 years I can wait a few more. I like that people find my stories entertaining; it makes so I can continue to see this as a fun time instead of some kind of desperate quest for love.
Ultimately though it's about me. It's about what I am doing; not anyone else, their meddling or their unhelpful/hurtful opinions. I know this is being put on a public sphere so anyone can respond in any way and I can delete it (power feels fuzzy inside) but I won't because it's all part of the trip. I just hope that anyone reading remembers that it's supposed to be a fun trip; we'll make a stop soon; I brought pudding cups for those who behave.
Ultimately though it's about me. It's about what I am doing; not anyone else, their meddling or their unhelpful/hurtful opinions. I know this is being put on a public sphere so anyone can respond in any way and I can delete it (power feels fuzzy inside) but I won't because it's all part of the trip. I just hope that anyone reading remembers that it's supposed to be a fun trip; we'll make a stop soon; I brought pudding cups for those who behave.
73 Days to Go.
Two iffy dates down. Where now?
I have talked with Mr. Captain about meeting up Monday but he hasn't replied to my agreement to his suggestion of a Monday meeting. So that's possible but still not for sure.
I have another Happy Hour plan for next Friday the 5th with Kim and Alissa.
Then there is speed dating on Feb. 9th.
There aren't any new promising prospects on the internets. I've sent interest to a number of guys on Chemistry and either have had some response but more often none. That's kind of hard to take as I thought I would be a catch to the internet crowd. Then there is Plenty of Fish, mostly lots of throw 'em backs there.
I'm beginning to believe that perhaps I'm just too awesome.
I have talked with Mr. Captain about meeting up Monday but he hasn't replied to my agreement to his suggestion of a Monday meeting. So that's possible but still not for sure.
I have another Happy Hour plan for next Friday the 5th with Kim and Alissa.
Then there is speed dating on Feb. 9th.
There aren't any new promising prospects on the internets. I've sent interest to a number of guys on Chemistry and either have had some response but more often none. That's kind of hard to take as I thought I would be a catch to the internet crowd. Then there is Plenty of Fish, mostly lots of throw 'em backs there.
I'm beginning to believe that perhaps I'm just too awesome.
Sometimes I'd rather stay home and watch tv
Alissa's Advice for Bad Dates:
"You can't get to the buried treasure without digging through the dirt, can you?"
Will try to remember that.
"You can't get to the buried treasure without digging through the dirt, can you?"
Will try to remember that.
Post Game ReCap
First Date with Mr. Princess last night.
Rating: ♥♥♥
We played Trivia. We only had two players but still got 3rd place. I was pretty clutch with my knowledge of bad 90's bands and he knew some famous Asian dudes by name.
The first thing he said to me was, "you don't look like your picture." I still don't know if that was a compliment or a complaint. (Note: I didn't get red hair but perhaps it's slightly blonder than in some pictures)
Conversation did not flow easily. It wasn't exactly pulling teeth but could be the dating/dentist equivalent of a very forceful cleaning. Scratch that Tartar off!
Perhaps the art of in person conversation is dead? I know I'm not the #1 Pro of Stranger conversation but I at least know how to get a good volley on. (I hope you are enjoying all of these metaphors, if that's what they even are, it's been a long time since I've been in a useful English course, not you, Upper Division English for Business Majors.)
Seriously though, If I say something like, "I was doing volunteer work in Xtown, Texas." What might you say after that? Hint: The answer is not stare and nod. Still stumped? Let me help. Here are some ideas: "What volunteer work were you doing?" "With a particular organization?" "For how long?" "That sounds really cool, I volunteer at blahblah." etc etc. I think this is a serious problem, parents, teach your boys to interact with other humans, PLEASE. Write a song about that, John Mayer.
He bought my beer, which gave him a few points. He has a cool job of designing parts of the space shuttles. He doted on my correct answers; I enjoy basking in the glow of correctness. He texted me after saying he'd like to do it again; I guess he thought it was a good date.
Basically the conclusions are that it wasn't awful and I'm not sure why it wasn't as fun in person as it was in print; I had no burning hot spark of attraction but I will probably give him one more shot just to see.
Rating: ♥♥♥
We played Trivia. We only had two players but still got 3rd place. I was pretty clutch with my knowledge of bad 90's bands and he knew some famous Asian dudes by name.
The first thing he said to me was, "you don't look like your picture." I still don't know if that was a compliment or a complaint. (Note: I didn't get red hair but perhaps it's slightly blonder than in some pictures)
Conversation did not flow easily. It wasn't exactly pulling teeth but could be the dating/dentist equivalent of a very forceful cleaning. Scratch that Tartar off!
Perhaps the art of in person conversation is dead? I know I'm not the #1 Pro of Stranger conversation but I at least know how to get a good volley on. (I hope you are enjoying all of these metaphors, if that's what they even are, it's been a long time since I've been in a useful English course, not you, Upper Division English for Business Majors.)
Seriously though, If I say something like, "I was doing volunteer work in Xtown, Texas." What might you say after that? Hint: The answer is not stare and nod. Still stumped? Let me help. Here are some ideas: "What volunteer work were you doing?" "With a particular organization?" "For how long?" "That sounds really cool, I volunteer at blahblah." etc etc. I think this is a serious problem, parents, teach your boys to interact with other humans, PLEASE. Write a song about that, John Mayer.
He bought my beer, which gave him a few points. He has a cool job of designing parts of the space shuttles. He doted on my correct answers; I enjoy basking in the glow of correctness. He texted me after saying he'd like to do it again; I guess he thought it was a good date.
Basically the conclusions are that it wasn't awful and I'm not sure why it wasn't as fun in person as it was in print; I had no burning hot spark of attraction but I will probably give him one more shot just to see.
The Dating Rating System
Unveiling my new Dating Rating System. It's very clever. It uses heart symbols.
♥: (1) Run For the Hills, Awful Date. May need to enter the witness protection to avoid you.
♥♥: (2) Not so hot, maybe we could be friends if all my other friends run off and join a fundamentalist Mormon sect in Texas.
♥♥♥: (3) Unsure. Not a horrid experience but no definite lovin' feelin'. Needs further investigation.
♥♥♥♥: (4) Quite swell. I may have a slight after date glow. I'm probably checking my phone to see if you called.
♥♥♥♥♥: (5) Frickin' Fantastic! I may already be naming our future children. Buck and Seborne, have a nice ring, don't they? Mmm crazy is fun.
♥: (1) Run For the Hills, Awful Date. May need to enter the witness protection to avoid you.
♥♥: (2) Not so hot, maybe we could be friends if all my other friends run off and join a fundamentalist Mormon sect in Texas.
♥♥♥: (3) Unsure. Not a horrid experience but no definite lovin' feelin'. Needs further investigation.
♥♥♥♥: (4) Quite swell. I may have a slight after date glow. I'm probably checking my phone to see if you called.
♥♥♥♥♥: (5) Frickin' Fantastic! I may already be naming our future children. Buck and Seborne, have a nice ring, don't they? Mmm crazy is fun.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Singleminded
Unless you are Sara, you might have forgotten that I have a date tonight with Mr. Princess. Not only do I need to look good and be charming but I need to brush up on my useless knowledge. We are playing trivia. It's been my experience that nothing wins a man over more than being able to recognize the elevator music version of Hot for Teacher.
I've already hopped upon the emotional roller-coaster from excited to nervous to convinced that he'd bail and have now safely arrived at meh. I feel like meh is a good place to be for a first date. If you are overly excited it just makes you feel nervous and act awkwardly. Dread, as we learned from Mr. Clean, makes you act aloof and bitchy. So meh is a happy medium, I hope, where I'll just be my extremely charming self.
I'm going to wear my green ninja scarf, so that will be fun. I might also have strawberry blond hair as I'm going to get my hair done this afternoon so we'll see.
This might be my only post today since I might be too tired to write post date (it takes a lot of energy to be smart and funny and hot, ::flips hair::) and I don't really care to think about any other dating today. Monogamous thinking has always been a problem for me. Darn.
I've already hopped upon the emotional roller-coaster from excited to nervous to convinced that he'd bail and have now safely arrived at meh. I feel like meh is a good place to be for a first date. If you are overly excited it just makes you feel nervous and act awkwardly. Dread, as we learned from Mr. Clean, makes you act aloof and bitchy. So meh is a happy medium, I hope, where I'll just be my extremely charming self.
I'm going to wear my green ninja scarf, so that will be fun. I might also have strawberry blond hair as I'm going to get my hair done this afternoon so we'll see.
This might be my only post today since I might be too tired to write post date (it takes a lot of energy to be smart and funny and hot, ::flips hair::) and I don't really care to think about any other dating today. Monogamous thinking has always been a problem for me. Darn.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
He's Out There Ladies, Waiting For You.
I just realized I should be documenting these gems, so here we go...
Profile Winners:
"Also someone to share my life with, and not try and rule mine or put me in a cage."
"I would like to travle the world someday. I am looking for an adventurous women that isn't affraid to go out and have a good time,"
"tiered of waisting time!"
"I'm looking for a woman who has a nice blend of spirituality and feminine sexuality."
"I tend to think of myself as going against the grain as far as interest in mainstream movies, music, books, and ideology about religion and politics, as I find most of the content found in that realm to be sub-par. However, I am as far from judgmental as a person can come"
"Unless you're ghetto, we will probably get along."
Received Messages:
"so tell me when do I get to take you out "
"After reading your profile it seems like we have a lot in common. I was wondering what are your hobbies and what do you like to do for fun."
"hey pretty
r u gonna ever make my day and write me back? plz do"
"Nice lady how are u? My name is Aba i am 28 years of age young man, am stayiny in Greeley and am studieng music. i really like yr profile and would love to be in touch"
If you are lawyer, I made all of these up, no really, I did.
Profile Winners:
"Also someone to share my life with, and not try and rule mine or put me in a cage."
"I would like to travle the world someday. I am looking for an adventurous women that isn't affraid to go out and have a good time,"
"tiered of waisting time!"
"I'm looking for a woman who has a nice blend of spirituality and feminine sexuality."
"I tend to think of myself as going against the grain as far as interest in mainstream movies, music, books, and ideology about religion and politics, as I find most of the content found in that realm to be sub-par. However, I am as far from judgmental as a person can come"
"Unless you're ghetto, we will probably get along."
Received Messages:
"so tell me when do I get to take you out "
"After reading your profile it seems like we have a lot in common. I was wondering what are your hobbies and what do you like to do for fun."
"hey pretty
r u gonna ever make my day and write me back? plz do"
"Nice lady how are u? My name is Aba i am 28 years of age young man, am stayiny in Greeley and am studieng music. i really like yr profile and would love to be in touch"
If you are lawyer, I made all of these up, no really, I did.
your lows will have their complement of highs
***A disclaimer: Everyone deserves love, well mostly everyone, regardless of size or poor wardrobe choices but when you put yourself out on the internet you are doing so with the knowledge that you will be judged and some people will just not like what they see.**
Actively Recruiting Boyfriends aka The Manhunt aka Shoot Me Now! can get pretty discouraging. It helps to laugh at the inevitable horrible options who present themselves. It also helps to laugh at the misfortune of others.
I had two friends join Plenty of Fish after I did (not that I'm claiming that I alone inspired them but I probably am that cool). They were kind enough to let me share the outcomes of their first contacts.
Friend One: So I set out to go fishing. And all I have to say is YUCK! So far I have received messages from a very large black man, a guy with pictures of his 10 tats (he says he has a story about everyone, I am sure he does, do I want to hear it NO), a guy whose picture looks like he scanned his drivers license (seriously), another one who said “hey pretty want to go to a movie” and is wearing a wife beater.
Friend Two: Three days on this site and the only personalized message I've received so far was from a little person.
Hope that helps, I know it helped me.
Thank you Vanessa for the recruiting boyfriends phrase.
Actively Recruiting Boyfriends aka The Manhunt aka Shoot Me Now! can get pretty discouraging. It helps to laugh at the inevitable horrible options who present themselves. It also helps to laugh at the misfortune of others.
I had two friends join Plenty of Fish after I did (not that I'm claiming that I alone inspired them but I probably am that cool). They were kind enough to let me share the outcomes of their first contacts.
Friend One: So I set out to go fishing. And all I have to say is YUCK! So far I have received messages from a very large black man, a guy with pictures of his 10 tats (he says he has a story about everyone, I am sure he does, do I want to hear it NO), a guy whose picture looks like he scanned his drivers license (seriously), another one who said “hey pretty want to go to a movie” and is wearing a wife beater.
Friend Two: Three days on this site and the only personalized message I've received so far was from a little person.
Hope that helps, I know it helped me.
Thank you Vanessa for the recruiting boyfriends phrase.
No, Seriously
Let's play a little game. It's called, "Take No for an Answer."
Here's how it is played:
How it is won:
Player 1 wins if he/she responds in one of the following ways (or slight variations): "Oh that's cool. I understand. Perhaps another time. (note no question mark) We'll __ out again, I'm sure."
Player 2 wins if Player 1 responds in any variations of the following: "Fine, I didn't want to hang out with you anyway. Oh come on just ___ out. Then when can we ___ out? I'm going to cry myself to sleep if you don't agree." Or any non-verbal physical coercion.
The Prize:
Player 1: You get to keep your friends and in some cases stay out of jail.
Player 2: You don't have to feel guilted into __ out or feel bad for saying no.
Here's how it is played:
- Player 1 invites player 2 to do something (hang out, go out, make out any kind of out, except maybe, come out, that's for a different game)
- Player 2 examines his/her schedule, decides if he/she would like to participate in suggested out. Tells Player 1 Yes or No, an explanation for answer is allowed but not necessary.
- Player 1 responds to player 2's answer.
How it is won:
Player 1 wins if he/she responds in one of the following ways (or slight variations): "Oh that's cool. I understand. Perhaps another time. (note no question mark) We'll __ out again, I'm sure."
Player 2 wins if Player 1 responds in any variations of the following: "Fine, I didn't want to hang out with you anyway. Oh come on just ___ out. Then when can we ___ out? I'm going to cry myself to sleep if you don't agree." Or any non-verbal physical coercion.
The Prize:
Player 1: You get to keep your friends and in some cases stay out of jail.
Player 2: You don't have to feel guilted into __ out or feel bad for saying no.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Tut tut it looks like rain
Well get out your fist pumps ladies and gents because I am The Situation. I was just propositioned by Mr. Captain for a hang out on Thursday. I am, as you know, previously engaged with Mr. Princess that night, however I think I will try to place Mr. Captain somewhere in next week. Mr. Captain is from Plenty of Fish and so far the only person from that site who I've exchanged messages with and who hasn't creeped me out. Activate the Ronnie dance...
Sigh of Relief
I don't think I've told most of you how much I despise text messaging in the dating scenario. That doesn't mean I don't do it, I'm incredibly guilty. I have seriously considered outlawing it in my next relationship. I think it's lazy; is a chicken out from real conversation; it leads to misinterpretation and hurt feelings. Text messaging is good for the following, "I'm running a little late be there in ten;" "The restaurant is on the left side not the right;" and sexting; just kidding, sexting is bad.
The point of this rant was that today I got a text from Mr. Clean, "Hey there. Sorry I never got back to you (I don't think I ever got to him in the first place) blahexcuseblah. I had fun though. Not sure if the chem was there though. Hope all is well." Now I actually think it was very polite that he did that. I wasn't expecting to hear anything and was fine with that since I also didn't feel the "chem." I responded that I agreed and thanks.
Am I just proving how old I am that I'm annoyed that happened via text? I feel as personal contact goes the hierarchy is such: in person, phone call, written note, email (including dating site email), instant messaging, website message (facebook, myspace), text message, through friends, via twitter, post-it note and sky writing. The order of this list is based upon: intent to have an actual discussion; ability for quick rebuttal; opportunity for full explanation; character limit; potential for embarrassment and degree of annoying. Dispute me but you know I'm right.
The point of this rant was that today I got a text from Mr. Clean, "Hey there. Sorry I never got back to you (I don't think I ever got to him in the first place) blahexcuseblah. I had fun though. Not sure if the chem was there though. Hope all is well." Now I actually think it was very polite that he did that. I wasn't expecting to hear anything and was fine with that since I also didn't feel the "chem." I responded that I agreed and thanks.
Am I just proving how old I am that I'm annoyed that happened via text? I feel as personal contact goes the hierarchy is such: in person, phone call, written note, email (including dating site email), instant messaging, website message (facebook, myspace), text message, through friends, via twitter, post-it note and sky writing. The order of this list is based upon: intent to have an actual discussion; ability for quick rebuttal; opportunity for full explanation; character limit; potential for embarrassment and degree of annoying. Dispute me but you know I'm right.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Victory Kick, Woot!
It's a date! A date I'm actually excited about. Trivia at the Lobby. Trivia, tater tots and Agave Wheat? Dream date!
For my ninja team (if its captain even reads this anymore) Thursday night at 8. My safety is in your hands. My love life is in mine. Yuck, I need to stop watching the Bachelor it makes me lame.
For my ninja team (if its captain even reads this anymore) Thursday night at 8. My safety is in your hands. My love life is in mine. Yuck, I need to stop watching the Bachelor it makes me lame.
Worth Every Penny
Sifting through the emails on Plenty of Fish:
"r u gonna ever make my day and write me back? plz do"
Doesn't even need an explanation... Jeebes.
My mind must be getting muddled if I am willing to think look past baby-daddy for being English and using "bloody." Gawd. Ahhh posing with a giant gun; not in combat; RUN AWAY!!!
A nine finger forehead. Pass. I'm a jerk. Straight to H E double Hockey Sticks.
But while we are being jerky anyway, cut your damn hair! Oh hello, Lucifer, it's warm here.
Oh a reply...who hasn't listened to the newest Yeah Yeah Yeahs album? I mean within cool people? Boo. I'll tell him he should for his own good. Just saved one soul.
And another profile without a single picture of him smiling... HolyMotherofFeist.
Plenty of Fish is, so far, very dumb.
"r u gonna ever make my day and write me back? plz do"
Doesn't even need an explanation... Jeebes.
My mind must be getting muddled if I am willing to think look past baby-daddy for being English and using "bloody." Gawd. Ahhh posing with a giant gun; not in combat; RUN AWAY!!!
A nine finger forehead. Pass. I'm a jerk. Straight to H E double Hockey Sticks.
But while we are being jerky anyway, cut your damn hair! Oh hello, Lucifer, it's warm here.
Oh a reply...who hasn't listened to the newest Yeah Yeah Yeahs album? I mean within cool people? Boo. I'll tell him he should for his own good. Just saved one soul.
And another profile without a single picture of him smiling... HolyMotherofFeist.
Plenty of Fish is, so far, very dumb.
Wingardium GoAWAYsa
Wow it turns out there is a limit to my method of giving people a chance based on their comments referencing Harry Potter; he actually researched Harry Potter pick up lines; he wrote another two paragraphs about his friend who read the books; he asks about my favorite character in the movies. I know this is slightly biased because anyone (Sara) who knows me really well knows that I can go on Harry Potter tangents but I'm at least smart enough to do with people who already love me. Oh scarecrow fella, I don't even want to respond...
Matchmaker, matchmaker
I just spent the last hour or so laughing at this website. Then Sara internet stalks and finds his profile on the online dating site he created. I'm not joining another site; I will die of fake dating exhaustion. A suggestion was made about sending him an email. It would go something like this:
"Hello. You are funny. My friend internet stalked you. I live in Denver. Want to internet date? I also like bacon and mayonnaise.
Kristen"
Yeah probably not going to do that. We'll save the desperate attempts for late March/early April.
"Hello. You are funny. My friend internet stalked you. I live in Denver. Want to internet date? I also like bacon and mayonnaise.
Kristen"
Yeah probably not going to do that. We'll save the desperate attempts for late March/early April.
Fish food for thought
I sent my link here at the blog to my dear aunt and she sent me back some dating advice. I kind of liked it so I'm posting it here. Enjoy
- There is a difference between Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now, both have their place, don't confuse the two.
- If he brings you soup when you're sick, he's probably a keeper-especially if the soup doesn't come out of a can
- It's OK to love the one you're with, just wear a condom and don't give him your real phone number
- There are really no Good Excuses
- Trust your Gut
- Three Strikes You're Out only works in Baseball, One Strike you're Outta Here applies to dating
- Don't accept less than you Give
- Don't be afraid to ask questions
Hello, I Like Monday
After a weekend of zero internet action, literally not one message or response on Chemistry, Monday has come in a like a lion, a sexy lion, RAARRR!
I have two new emails! Now I don't have to write a post about my generation and how we can't function without instant gratification because I got some and now no longer care about broad insight.
One email was from Mr. Princess and it looks like we might have a meet-up on Thursday. I'm actually very excited about this one. I even have dork smile about it. He is already funny and seems like a lot of fun. He likes cheeseburgers and trivia. Sara said I should tell y'all more about him but I can't really think of what to say. (That y'all was a hint)
The second email was from a guy I'd given up for gone. He sent a short one about how I seemed cool but he was worried we live too far apart. I understand that. So we'll see about that. I guess he deserves a nickname so he can henceforth be known as Mr. Fortfun. So not obvious.
Raarrr!
I have two new emails! Now I don't have to write a post about my generation and how we can't function without instant gratification because I got some and now no longer care about broad insight.
One email was from Mr. Princess and it looks like we might have a meet-up on Thursday. I'm actually very excited about this one. I even have dork smile about it. He is already funny and seems like a lot of fun. He likes cheeseburgers and trivia. Sara said I should tell y'all more about him but I can't really think of what to say. (That y'all was a hint)
The second email was from a guy I'd given up for gone. He sent a short one about how I seemed cool but he was worried we live too far apart. I understand that. So we'll see about that. I guess he deserves a nickname so he can henceforth be known as Mr. Fortfun. So not obvious.
Raarrr!
"Really, really out there"
The speed dating site keeps "reminding" me to create a profile for perfectmatch.com, sigh. So here I go, I never had the intention of being on three sites.
The creation of the profile is pretty standard except it has multiple questions about the environment and if I need to have a partner who shares my view on the environment. Is that really that important? Sure, I don't want to date someone who clubs baby seals over the head for fun but if he's not chaining himself to an old oak I'll probably be okay. How odd.
What a bunch of hippies...
"World peace and other global issues (such as the environment) are extremely important to me. I believe our planet is in grave danger." True or False (This question is stupid because you choose a true or false for multiple statements, idiotic.)
"Could you see yourself in a long-term relationship with someone who has
opposing environmental views? "
"I recycle at (check all that apply):" at work, at home, I don't recycle
I do like this true/false statement:
"I am usually happy when I wake up in the morning."
And another poorly worded true/false statement:
"I believe you can "teach an old dog new tricks," that "tomorrow will be a brighter day," and that you can "forgive and forget." All the cliches aside, I believe people can change and you can repair a badly hurt relationship."
And the Results:
Romantic Impulsivity: Risk Adverse
Personal Energy: Relaxed (is that code for lazy?)
Outlook: Optimistic
Predictability: Seeks Variety
Flexibility: Flexible
Decision Making Style: Compromiser
Emotionality: Temperate
Self-Nurturing: Extrovert
The title is a quote from an episode of Sex and the City. Can you figure it out?
The creation of the profile is pretty standard except it has multiple questions about the environment and if I need to have a partner who shares my view on the environment. Is that really that important? Sure, I don't want to date someone who clubs baby seals over the head for fun but if he's not chaining himself to an old oak I'll probably be okay. How odd.
What a bunch of hippies...
"World peace and other global issues (such as the environment) are extremely important to me. I believe our planet is in grave danger." True or False (This question is stupid because you choose a true or false for multiple statements, idiotic.)
"Could you see yourself in a long-term relationship with someone who has
opposing environmental views? "
"I recycle at (check all that apply):" at work, at home, I don't recycle
I do like this true/false statement:
"I am usually happy when I wake up in the morning."
And another poorly worded true/false statement:
"I believe you can "teach an old dog new tricks," that "tomorrow will be a brighter day," and that you can "forgive and forget." All the cliches aside, I believe people can change and you can repair a badly hurt relationship."
And the Results:
Romantic Impulsivity: Risk Adverse
Personal Energy: Relaxed (is that code for lazy?)
Outlook: Optimistic
Predictability: Seeks Variety
Flexibility: Flexible
Decision Making Style: Compromiser
Emotionality: Temperate
Self-Nurturing: Extrovert
The title is a quote from an episode of Sex and the City. Can you figure it out?
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Happy Hour Number One
I met Alissa at her place of employment at precisely 5 PM. We had previously made plans to go to North because according to one of her coworkers this is where all the rich single guys go. When I got there a few of her coworkers were trying to convince her to go to another place with them, $1 PBR's they said, we caved. I'm glad we caved.
We ended up at Q's Wordly Barbeque. I know this is the wrong blog but they had some super amazing BBQ. It was so amazing I ate sliders that were drenched in a mustard based sauce, Mustard! I don't normally like mustard. Anyway back to the manhunt. The place was completely dead when we got there. The coworkers were technically all off limits. One was a girl, one was married and the other had a girlfriend...to arrive later in a very The Hills kind of way.
It was still a lot of fun as the night went on the place filled up and a band started playing. Alissa tried to convince me to lay it on thick with the guy who had a girlfriend, Mr. Hero, (apparently the girlfriend part may be on its way out). This seemed like a nice idea, sure, Mr. Hero was looking good, smart and knew Sean, Marla's Sean, small world, except for the fact that I am lousy at laying it on thick. After a bit more liquid courage, I may have accomplished a very thin primer coat. I was satisfied with it. Best to leave the cake icing thick coats for the single folk.
I was also satisfied that I danced with three different fellows. One, a friend of Mr. Hero, joined Alissa and I and in true Alissa style she snuck away, so he and I danced and he gave me a very sweet kiss on the cheek. Then I went back to our group, which had increased in size due to Mr. Hero's popularity. I was enough beers deep by now to make a announcement that went something like this "Who wants to dance with me?!" Channeling Snookie no doubt. Thankfully, another friend of Mr. Hero took me up on my offer and we had a nice dance. Then everyone besides me went outside to smoke. I started chatting with an old guy who was enjoying a BBQ sandwich next to me. He asked me to dance and you know what I like to dance so I said yes and it was silly and fun.
Eventually Alissa and I decided to head home (I think it was around ten or eleven, a five or six hour happy hour, not bad). When I got home I was very ready to eat my ramen and watch some Conan. My neighbor, who from now on wants to be known as CoolGuy77, convinced me not to be an old lady and meet him at the Horseshoe. So drunk happened. I met his, considering his age, quite attractive friend and we drank and ended up eating ramen after all and playing Wii Bowling.
I stayed out until 2. My body hurts so I must have drank a lot. I met a lot of new people. I had fun. Success.
After getting bored/discouraged having to meet people through the computer it was nice to meet new people in person. Huh, go figure...
We ended up at Q's Wordly Barbeque. I know this is the wrong blog but they had some super amazing BBQ. It was so amazing I ate sliders that were drenched in a mustard based sauce, Mustard! I don't normally like mustard. Anyway back to the manhunt. The place was completely dead when we got there. The coworkers were technically all off limits. One was a girl, one was married and the other had a girlfriend...to arrive later in a very The Hills kind of way.
It was still a lot of fun as the night went on the place filled up and a band started playing. Alissa tried to convince me to lay it on thick with the guy who had a girlfriend, Mr. Hero, (apparently the girlfriend part may be on its way out). This seemed like a nice idea, sure, Mr. Hero was looking good, smart and knew Sean, Marla's Sean, small world, except for the fact that I am lousy at laying it on thick. After a bit more liquid courage, I may have accomplished a very thin primer coat. I was satisfied with it. Best to leave the cake icing thick coats for the single folk.
I was also satisfied that I danced with three different fellows. One, a friend of Mr. Hero, joined Alissa and I and in true Alissa style she snuck away, so he and I danced and he gave me a very sweet kiss on the cheek. Then I went back to our group, which had increased in size due to Mr. Hero's popularity. I was enough beers deep by now to make a announcement that went something like this "Who wants to dance with me?!" Channeling Snookie no doubt. Thankfully, another friend of Mr. Hero took me up on my offer and we had a nice dance. Then everyone besides me went outside to smoke. I started chatting with an old guy who was enjoying a BBQ sandwich next to me. He asked me to dance and you know what I like to dance so I said yes and it was silly and fun.
Eventually Alissa and I decided to head home (I think it was around ten or eleven, a five or six hour happy hour, not bad). When I got home I was very ready to eat my ramen and watch some Conan. My neighbor, who from now on wants to be known as CoolGuy77, convinced me not to be an old lady and meet him at the Horseshoe. So drunk happened. I met his, considering his age, quite attractive friend and we drank and ended up eating ramen after all and playing Wii Bowling.
I stayed out until 2. My body hurts so I must have drank a lot. I met a lot of new people. I had fun. Success.
After getting bored/discouraged having to meet people through the computer it was nice to meet new people in person. Huh, go figure...
Always Waking at the Wrong Moment
I just woke up from a slightly disturbing albeit quite hilarious nightmare about dating. Apparently I had had a date that must have gone quite well because my date, Frank, was letting himself, but not most of his clothes, into my bed. I was good with this, Frank was smokin' hot. Apparently we must have left the door to my apartment open because in bounced some guy who I could recall I had been on a date with, already. I say bounced because this character (can't remember his name) seemed very short and young, but with silly facial hair. I decided to just be honest and tell him I had someone else over. At first she seemed chill about it. Then I remembered that no name little dude and I had bought some Chinese food together so I decided to make him a to-go plate. For some reason this seemed very difficult for me but I managed to give him some kind of makeshift amount in a paper bowl. I think it was hard because while I was preparing the to-go all I could think about was whether I would have the willpower to tell Frank that we couldn't hook up. I follow my rules in my dreams apparently. I brought the to-go bowl to little guy, he was now playing with a toddler, and he asked me to include some of the hot peppers "for the cooking later." I went back to the kitchen and he actually followed me. Then he threw a hissy-fit because I didn't include any shrimp spring rolls and started throwing my Chinese food all over the apartment. At this point smokin' hot Frank, intervened and threw tiny guy out. Then I woke up.
Now I'm starving and wishing Frank was real. I've got at least an hour before a Chinese place opens and God knows how long until someone that hot hangs out in my bed for real.
Now I'm starving and wishing Frank was real. I've got at least an hour before a Chinese place opens and God knows how long until someone that hot hangs out in my bed for real.
Friday, January 22, 2010
More Valentine's Day
Another Trailer that includes MIKA and Phoenix, I'm such a background music sucker
Obligitory Update
My last Friday make-out friend asked me via text to a movie tonight. I couldn't attend because I already had plans, you know hot Happy Hour. It was nice to be asked though. I don't know if he knows about my experiment here or not. This kind of thing is meant to be a secret, right? Well I know it is in Zach's screenplay version, anyway.
Oh the Shame.
I think I printed out my receipt yesterday for speed dating, at work. I think I forgot about it. I KNOW it had my name on it. I don't know where it is or who saw it. My life is one embarrassing mess after another.
I should be better...
Today is the big Happy Hour Day! After work I will be heading to a swanky spot in Cherry Creek to drink and, who knows, maybe even flirt. My wing-lady, Alissa, is always good at that and she only flirts on my behalf since she already has a wonderful second-half.
I had to get myself looking good for happy hour before leaving for work because it would waste a lot of time to go home. It was just one of those mornings that would be best described in numbers.
20. The number of minutes I was later than usual to work
2. The number of times I changed my pants, shirt, bra and accessories.
2. The number of hair products I used
3. The number of pairs of shoes I tried on
5. The number of irreversible things I found wrong with my face while applying makeup.
All of it. The amount of makeup that will wear off my face before I even get there.
I'm not always like this, maybe a shirt change but goodness this morning was a little ridiculous, something I hope doesn't repeat.
I read an O Magazine the other day (Yes, I just admitted to that). It had an article about breaking the ice. It said it was best to use a third subject. Meaning, that starting a conversation by talking about yourself or asking about the other person is not ideal. This, he said, is true because discussing a third subject is non-invasive and non-threatening. The example the author gave was the story of him standing in line at the movies and someone making a comment about the crossword puzzle he was holding. This amazing crossword conversation eventually led to a hot date. That simple apparently.
I hope everyone tonight is holding a crossword puzzle. Or maybe I should take my own?
I had to get myself looking good for happy hour before leaving for work because it would waste a lot of time to go home. It was just one of those mornings that would be best described in numbers.
20. The number of minutes I was later than usual to work
2. The number of times I changed my pants, shirt, bra and accessories.
2. The number of hair products I used
3. The number of pairs of shoes I tried on
5. The number of irreversible things I found wrong with my face while applying makeup.
All of it. The amount of makeup that will wear off my face before I even get there.
I'm not always like this, maybe a shirt change but goodness this morning was a little ridiculous, something I hope doesn't repeat.
I read an O Magazine the other day (Yes, I just admitted to that). It had an article about breaking the ice. It said it was best to use a third subject. Meaning, that starting a conversation by talking about yourself or asking about the other person is not ideal. This, he said, is true because discussing a third subject is non-invasive and non-threatening. The example the author gave was the story of him standing in line at the movies and someone making a comment about the crossword puzzle he was holding. This amazing crossword conversation eventually led to a hot date. That simple apparently.
I hope everyone tonight is holding a crossword puzzle. Or maybe I should take my own?
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Worst Fear Realized, Almost.
Looking through a new feature called "You May Like."
I just got matched with someone I went to elementary school with.... Oh Gawd. Random enough that I might as well give it a shot.
The good news is it turns out I'm an idiot and it's actually quite simple to remove my "religion/spirituality" interest. Good.
Be nice readers and vote on my little boxes, please? I worked hard on them. (Edit: deleted boxes because they didn't work, thanks blogger for getting my hopes up and then crushing them.)
I just got matched with someone I went to elementary school with.... Oh Gawd. Random enough that I might as well give it a shot.
The good news is it turns out I'm an idiot and it's actually quite simple to remove my "religion/spirituality" interest. Good.
Be nice readers and vote on my little boxes, please? I worked hard on them. (Edit: deleted boxes because they didn't work, thanks blogger for getting my hopes up and then crushing them.)
In 8 minutes or less
I just registered for Speed Dating. The age range is 25-37, quite a range. It is just in time for Valentine's Day so desperation should be running at ludicrous speed. At least there will be sushi...
Do you want to come too? Apparently I paid the full price ($35) to get you a $5 discount if you click here.
P.S. Oh no, I have to create another online profile on another website? Bleh, putting that off... Free, my foot.
Do you want to come too? Apparently I paid the full price ($35) to get you a $5 discount if you click here.
P.S. Oh no, I have to create another online profile on another website? Bleh, putting that off... Free, my foot.
I'm not naturally suspicious
How many axe murderers do you think date online?
Apparently you can't judge a dude-book by his cover-face. Do you think though that perhaps the occasionally good looking guy who also happens to be an axe murder is the rarity and the guy who looks kind of creepy is likely, actually creepy? Let me clarify, there is a difference between guys who I personally just happen to not find attractive and guys who give me the heebie jeebies via photo. A physically gifted fellow can be just as creepy as the genetically unfortunate one.
Let me list, from my weeks of personal experience, elements of a photo that will land you on the Island of Misfit Axe Murdering Creepy Dudes. I have personally been matched with or contacted by guys with one or more of the following characteristics.
Apparently you can't judge a dude-book by his cover-face. Do you think though that perhaps the occasionally good looking guy who also happens to be an axe murder is the rarity and the guy who looks kind of creepy is likely, actually creepy? Let me clarify, there is a difference between guys who I personally just happen to not find attractive and guys who give me the heebie jeebies via photo. A physically gifted fellow can be just as creepy as the genetically unfortunate one.
Let me list, from my weeks of personal experience, elements of a photo that will land you on the Island of Misfit Axe Murdering Creepy Dudes. I have personally been matched with or contacted by guys with one or more of the following characteristics.
- No smiling, in any of your photos (is the world that awful?)
- A picture obviously taken of you while laying in bed. (Eww)
- Extreme close-ups not humorous in nature. (Pores do turn me on, how did you know?)
- Photos with bad crop jobs where you can still see some girls hair. (Remind me of people who go around ripping their exes out of framed photos and putting the pictures back in the frames).
- Attempted and Failed Smizing. (failed smiling with the eyes=angry, very angry)
- No eyes visible in any photos. (What are you hiding?)
- Photos that could be mistaken for (or are?) mugshots. ("I swear it was just a traffic violation!")
- Almost all flavor-savor facial hair. (Why? Just in case Limp Bizkit has tryouts for the reunion tour?)
- Thug face. (I'mma let you finish, oh wait, you did already, because you don't care if I do, EVER.)
- Posing with an axe. (Okay, that one didn't really happen)
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
A Quiz! Let's kick it.... OFF!
I desire to see this movie because...
a) its potential thought provoking and life altering story lines.
b) it has a killer ensemble cast.
c) I have an innate desire to drive myself into a depression based on ideals that are impossible to fulfill in real life.
d) I'm a sucker for Black Eyed Peas songs that include the lyrcis "Mazel Tov."
e) I still can't figure out what's going on with Julia Robert's upper lip and I need to do more research.
f) I need to prove to myself, again, how much I wish Jessica Biel would go away and leave JT to me.
g) Valentine's Day sucks so why not go for the Gold.
Just keep Swimming
When I quickly read my e-mail from Mr. Princess the other day I didn't notice the part where he asked to grab a drink sometime next week. Yes, a drink not a marathon date. Nice. Replied and agreed. This one is having some good potential and making me have a slight nerd smile.
I still haven't figured out how to get rid of those who "noticed me" whom I don't want to notice back, they are clogging up my matches and making me feel more popular than I am. It must be like facebook poking, pointless and kind of annoying after a few pokes.
Chemistry is telling me I have a "Hidden Chemistry" with one fellow... let's see how deeply buried it is. Oh he's actually kind of cute. Thanks Chemistry. Conservative... is it time to be open-minded about that? Scary, what if he tries to commandeer my uterus for my own good but then doesn't give me money for medical costs? Guess it's a risk I'll take.
Going down the list....
You say you are good looking but you don't include a picture. So either you are so good looking you are tired of being judged on your good looks or you are not good looking and also a liar. Hum...I'll ask him for a photo and decide later.
Guy seems cute but looks really different in all the pictures. Another Conservative, sigh. Where are my nutty but adorable liberals? Probably off corrupting the mainstream media somewhere... I can only handle one conservative at a time, sorry.
Weird this guy has a very similar opening line as the last guy. Something is rotten in Denmark.
A yes to a guy who may or may not be cute. (I'm feeling very vain right now)
A no to a guy with a little head.
Oh and I'll say yes to you because your headline is a DMB lyric.
Finished with that part. I have decided to get to know 3 more men. I should keep a running total.
Now to send off the quick step ones and then put off the short answer questions because now I'm worn out again. Good thing all of these potentials don't turn into real dates, I'd be exhausted.
I'm kind of curious if Chemistry doesn't tell you if you are rejected. I have some dudes who I started the process with but then they stopped replying. Did they reject me and Chemistry didn't even tell me? It's okay Chemistry I can take it.
Done. Feeling Accomplished.
I still haven't figured out how to get rid of those who "noticed me" whom I don't want to notice back, they are clogging up my matches and making me feel more popular than I am. It must be like facebook poking, pointless and kind of annoying after a few pokes.
Chemistry is telling me I have a "Hidden Chemistry" with one fellow... let's see how deeply buried it is. Oh he's actually kind of cute. Thanks Chemistry. Conservative... is it time to be open-minded about that? Scary, what if he tries to commandeer my uterus for my own good but then doesn't give me money for medical costs? Guess it's a risk I'll take.
Going down the list....
You say you are good looking but you don't include a picture. So either you are so good looking you are tired of being judged on your good looks or you are not good looking and also a liar. Hum...I'll ask him for a photo and decide later.
Guy seems cute but looks really different in all the pictures. Another Conservative, sigh. Where are my nutty but adorable liberals? Probably off corrupting the mainstream media somewhere... I can only handle one conservative at a time, sorry.
Weird this guy has a very similar opening line as the last guy. Something is rotten in Denmark.
A yes to a guy who may or may not be cute. (I'm feeling very vain right now)
A no to a guy with a little head.
Oh and I'll say yes to you because your headline is a DMB lyric.
Finished with that part. I have decided to get to know 3 more men. I should keep a running total.
Now to send off the quick step ones and then put off the short answer questions because now I'm worn out again. Good thing all of these potentials don't turn into real dates, I'd be exhausted.
I'm kind of curious if Chemistry doesn't tell you if you are rejected. I have some dudes who I started the process with but then they stopped replying. Did they reject me and Chemistry didn't even tell me? It's okay Chemistry I can take it.
Done. Feeling Accomplished.
Sifting Through the Potentials
Here we are getting back on the horse.
Step One: Reply to Plenty of Fish emails since it's been about 3 days.
He's talking about Harry Potter. My only thoughts are, if your face already kind of looks like a scarecrow best not to accentuate that fact with livestock and farmer hat. Replied but a short one. I told you I'm a sucker for Harry Potter. Also, it never occurred to me that someone could have an interest in cast iron cookware, huh. Whatever floats your boat.
Agreed to a music swap with most talked to fella on Plenty of Fish. Gave him my real name which I suppose means it's time for him to have an alias. Introducing... Mr. Captain. I'm just randomly making up these names in a way that they somehow remind me who they pertain to.
Random and short email from someone from Greeley. Greeley smells like cows and leftover Musgrave Evil Sauce, I refuse to go to Greeley. Sorry chap.
Hum, decent looking but already suggesting I call....divorced...
What do you think it means to be a dude in your early 30's or even late 20's and be divorced? I think there are a few choices: Just Bad Luck, Impulsive (married too young or too quickly), Super Religious (married to get laid), Lousy Husband, Desperate (married wrong just to be married), what else?
I think I'll ponder this and wait on a reply.
Referenced something on my profile (point). Asked me if I like a band, a band I do like (point). Two points gets you a reply before I even look at your profile. Sigh, you could be cute but you have a chinchilla ass growing off of your chin. Or perhaps it's just a merkin? Oh good news, the profile says the merkin is no more. Good.
Finally, I don't like yo' face. Sorry.
This concludes Plenty of Fish dating for today.
Step One: Reply to Plenty of Fish emails since it's been about 3 days.
He's talking about Harry Potter. My only thoughts are, if your face already kind of looks like a scarecrow best not to accentuate that fact with livestock and farmer hat. Replied but a short one. I told you I'm a sucker for Harry Potter. Also, it never occurred to me that someone could have an interest in cast iron cookware, huh. Whatever floats your boat.
Agreed to a music swap with most talked to fella on Plenty of Fish. Gave him my real name which I suppose means it's time for him to have an alias. Introducing... Mr. Captain. I'm just randomly making up these names in a way that they somehow remind me who they pertain to.
Random and short email from someone from Greeley. Greeley smells like cows and leftover Musgrave Evil Sauce, I refuse to go to Greeley. Sorry chap.
Hum, decent looking but already suggesting I call....divorced...
What do you think it means to be a dude in your early 30's or even late 20's and be divorced? I think there are a few choices: Just Bad Luck, Impulsive (married too young or too quickly), Super Religious (married to get laid), Lousy Husband, Desperate (married wrong just to be married), what else?
I think I'll ponder this and wait on a reply.
Referenced something on my profile (point). Asked me if I like a band, a band I do like (point). Two points gets you a reply before I even look at your profile. Sigh, you could be cute but you have a chinchilla ass growing off of your chin. Or perhaps it's just a merkin? Oh good news, the profile says the merkin is no more. Good.
Finally, I don't like yo' face. Sorry.
This concludes Plenty of Fish dating for today.
Free Day Tuesday
Hello friends,
So as you may have noticed my updates were sorely lacking yesterday. I'd like to claim that this was due to my ever exciting lifestyle and how I often party hard on Tuesday nights. Actually, I don't want to claim I party hard on Tuesday nights. I'm too old for that and I graduated university much too long ago for that to be something worth bragging about. I digress.
In fact, I was just burnt out. I thought about getting out the ol' computer after I got home from family dinner around 7:30 PM but I just didn't have the drive. So I didn't check out new matches, answer any emails or even really think about it. Being the ever interested public that you are, though, meant that you didn't wait for me to give you your daily dose of dating you went out and found it yourself. Good on you, being proactive is hot. Then you sent the information to me (or your twitter from which I stole it) and now I will continue being lazy and share your findings, as they were my own.
Firstly, apparently you can just skip the dating all together and get you some sexy mail order husbands. Chea sent me this link. Why she is looking for a husband is beyond me since she already has a pretty swell one lined up. I guess it doesn't hurt to window shop and if she window shops here I think it can only help her fiance's case. The Austrian in the list does not qualify for my aforementioned rule of I'll get to know you just because you speak German. Good thing I'm looking to date and not to marry. Have fun Chea!
Secondly, Kevin sent this link out to the general world but I'm pretty sure I'm his only friend for who it pertains to so we'll just say he sent it to me. This is actually a somewhat useful article. I took away a few things from it. So you all know, the picture I'm using on both my sites is the same one that is on this page. I would qualify it as "flirty, smiling, looking away from camera, no eye contact." According to the article, I fail. I'm smiling but in the wrong direction, it is a downward shot but isn't showing any cleavage (parkas aren't sexy? huh) and it's taken with a camera that is capable of focusing. There are some less obvious points in the article that should be somewhat obvious.
In the discussion about whether men should indeed use The Situation photos they said it seemed effective to a point. The younger girls coo for sexy ab photos where perhaps the older women don't. As someone who falls towards the older end of this graph I'd like to give my reasoning for why I tend not to care for sexy muscle photos. Sexy muscle photos belong to douche bags. Need proof: watch the Jersey Shore, The Situation is 27. So I hypothesize that as we women age, we learn that the guys who are super-proud of their bodies tend to be douchier. Something we have learned from experience in our younger days after the inevitable road rash that comes from six-pack-chasing. Now don't get me wrong. I'm sure you can be super hot stuff and still a really nice guy but you are not going to prove it to me by showing off the goods right off the bat.
Secondly, there is a graph, "Women, Aging and Messaging," that seems to show that the effectiveness of a cleavage shot over other photos actually improves as women age. This might be, as suggested, due to the fact that as women age they are less likely to include such photos and therefore when there is such a picture it's more of a novelty and in turn peaks more interest. I would find it interesting if they correlated this with the age of the men messaging. I want to throw a completely non-factual based hypothesis that the effectiveness of the older-lady cleavage shot is at least influenced by the fact that the older single male is actually more of a douche than his younger counterpart. BOOOBIES!
Finally, my favorite graph is "A Chance Message Leads to an Actual Conversation." I feel like this is the most useful graph for women who aren't just seeking pointless attention. It actually tries to quantify the quality of responses (without hacking into people's e-mails) and correlate them with the type of picture. Thankfully, these results are not surprising. If you are representing yourself as a half-naked drunk, you will be treated as such. Looking like a douchette gets you a douche, go figure.
The only photo types that produce low findings that I thought would be higher are the "taken outdoors" and "having fun with friends" photos. The outdoors ones I would think would appeal to the population who overwhelmingly likes camping. Guess not. The second, I'd think a suitor would like to know that you are not socially leotarded and can have friends. This backfires, however, if your friends are hotter than you. I've noticed this in glancing over the man profiles, if he is standing next to someone hotter than he is, my brain goes, "can I meet your friend?" Then he drops two hottie percentage points by association.
So it looks like I have even more work to do. I need to find and/or take a flirty, smiling at the camera with slight cleavage while I'm doing something interesting with an animal photo. Like this.
So as you may have noticed my updates were sorely lacking yesterday. I'd like to claim that this was due to my ever exciting lifestyle and how I often party hard on Tuesday nights. Actually, I don't want to claim I party hard on Tuesday nights. I'm too old for that and I graduated university much too long ago for that to be something worth bragging about. I digress.
In fact, I was just burnt out. I thought about getting out the ol' computer after I got home from family dinner around 7:30 PM but I just didn't have the drive. So I didn't check out new matches, answer any emails or even really think about it. Being the ever interested public that you are, though, meant that you didn't wait for me to give you your daily dose of dating you went out and found it yourself. Good on you, being proactive is hot. Then you sent the information to me (or your twitter from which I stole it) and now I will continue being lazy and share your findings, as they were my own.
Firstly, apparently you can just skip the dating all together and get you some sexy mail order husbands. Chea sent me this link. Why she is looking for a husband is beyond me since she already has a pretty swell one lined up. I guess it doesn't hurt to window shop and if she window shops here I think it can only help her fiance's case. The Austrian in the list does not qualify for my aforementioned rule of I'll get to know you just because you speak German. Good thing I'm looking to date and not to marry. Have fun Chea!
Secondly, Kevin sent this link out to the general world but I'm pretty sure I'm his only friend for who it pertains to so we'll just say he sent it to me. This is actually a somewhat useful article. I took away a few things from it. So you all know, the picture I'm using on both my sites is the same one that is on this page. I would qualify it as "flirty, smiling, looking away from camera, no eye contact." According to the article, I fail. I'm smiling but in the wrong direction, it is a downward shot but isn't showing any cleavage (parkas aren't sexy? huh) and it's taken with a camera that is capable of focusing. There are some less obvious points in the article that should be somewhat obvious.
In the discussion about whether men should indeed use The Situation photos they said it seemed effective to a point. The younger girls coo for sexy ab photos where perhaps the older women don't. As someone who falls towards the older end of this graph I'd like to give my reasoning for why I tend not to care for sexy muscle photos. Sexy muscle photos belong to douche bags. Need proof: watch the Jersey Shore, The Situation is 27. So I hypothesize that as we women age, we learn that the guys who are super-proud of their bodies tend to be douchier. Something we have learned from experience in our younger days after the inevitable road rash that comes from six-pack-chasing. Now don't get me wrong. I'm sure you can be super hot stuff and still a really nice guy but you are not going to prove it to me by showing off the goods right off the bat.
Secondly, there is a graph, "Women, Aging and Messaging," that seems to show that the effectiveness of a cleavage shot over other photos actually improves as women age. This might be, as suggested, due to the fact that as women age they are less likely to include such photos and therefore when there is such a picture it's more of a novelty and in turn peaks more interest. I would find it interesting if they correlated this with the age of the men messaging. I want to throw a completely non-factual based hypothesis that the effectiveness of the older-lady cleavage shot is at least influenced by the fact that the older single male is actually more of a douche than his younger counterpart. BOOOBIES!
Finally, my favorite graph is "A Chance Message Leads to an Actual Conversation." I feel like this is the most useful graph for women who aren't just seeking pointless attention. It actually tries to quantify the quality of responses (without hacking into people's e-mails) and correlate them with the type of picture. Thankfully, these results are not surprising. If you are representing yourself as a half-naked drunk, you will be treated as such. Looking like a douchette gets you a douche, go figure.
The only photo types that produce low findings that I thought would be higher are the "taken outdoors" and "having fun with friends" photos. The outdoors ones I would think would appeal to the population who overwhelmingly likes camping. Guess not. The second, I'd think a suitor would like to know that you are not socially leotarded and can have friends. This backfires, however, if your friends are hotter than you. I've noticed this in glancing over the man profiles, if he is standing next to someone hotter than he is, my brain goes, "can I meet your friend?" Then he drops two hottie percentage points by association.
So it looks like I have even more work to do. I need to find and/or take a flirty, smiling at the camera with slight cleavage while I'm doing something interesting with an animal photo. Like this.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
I don't want to be famous
I feel like I could lose credibility but... should I do it, anyway? Apply for the Bachelor?
Monday, January 18, 2010
It's hard dating so many men...
It's also hard to not want to try out for the Bachelor. Damn you Chea and your reality television.
Oh you want to know about my date? Not the Bachelor? Ok then...
My much unanticipated and potentially painful Indian food date turned into a pretty pleasant evening at Dave and Buster's. Most importantly, hence why I'm mentioning it first, it turns out I'm pretty good at shuffleboard, inner grandma is happy!
He has some kind of D&B connection so we got table games for free. I won 2 out of 3 shuffleboard games and 0 of 2 billiard games. Dinner was also eaten and water was drunk.
He's friendly. Kind of geeky. Somewhat rotund. Well traveled. Tattooed. Mohawked but I think that's mostly a clever way of hiding a receding hair line. Very clever. Better at talking about himself than trying to find out more about me (I'm really beginning to think this is just how guys are or that I'm just hyper sensitive to it because of coughjoecough).
At 8 PM, even though I was having a fine time, I told him I could only play one more game. Reasoning being that my friend needed me to visit her because she is lonely because her fiance is out of town, a half-truth. I just didn't want to hit marathon date status. We split the bill. I'm glad about that because then I don't' feel like I owe him something. It's much easier than I thought to not leave room for an awkward goodbye and an attempted kissy face (no evidence to support he was attempting such a daring move). I said, "bye, I had a nice time," hugged and walked off to my car. I'm in charge, much like Charles.
Overall it was a nice evening. I didn't feel any kind of hot spark or a "I want to jump your bones" feeling. If he inquires I would probably see him again.
Level 5 Clinger status is hereby to be put under further review, phew.
Dating Rating: ♥♥
Oh you want to know about my date? Not the Bachelor? Ok then...
My much unanticipated and potentially painful Indian food date turned into a pretty pleasant evening at Dave and Buster's. Most importantly, hence why I'm mentioning it first, it turns out I'm pretty good at shuffleboard, inner grandma is happy!
He has some kind of D&B connection so we got table games for free. I won 2 out of 3 shuffleboard games and 0 of 2 billiard games. Dinner was also eaten and water was drunk.
He's friendly. Kind of geeky. Somewhat rotund. Well traveled. Tattooed. Mohawked but I think that's mostly a clever way of hiding a receding hair line. Very clever. Better at talking about himself than trying to find out more about me (I'm really beginning to think this is just how guys are or that I'm just hyper sensitive to it because of coughjoecough).
At 8 PM, even though I was having a fine time, I told him I could only play one more game. Reasoning being that my friend needed me to visit her because she is lonely because her fiance is out of town, a half-truth. I just didn't want to hit marathon date status. We split the bill. I'm glad about that because then I don't' feel like I owe him something. It's much easier than I thought to not leave room for an awkward goodbye and an attempted kissy face (no evidence to support he was attempting such a daring move). I said, "bye, I had a nice time," hugged and walked off to my car. I'm in charge, much like Charles.
Overall it was a nice evening. I didn't feel any kind of hot spark or a "I want to jump your bones" feeling. If he inquires I would probably see him again.
Level 5 Clinger status is hereby to be put under further review, phew.
Dating Rating: ♥♥
Reject Button 1,2,1,2
These people, for the most part, they look old. This is either a case of warped perceptions on my part (thinking I look younger than I do) or people are lying. That guy can't possibly be 28 he looks at least 35. WTF? Oh, maybe having kids ages you, you have been warned.
Also another slightly negative profile quote: "If you have issues with honesty don't even bother, I know your type and I'm not in on that program."
If you have two paragraphs to explain yourself and who you want, why would you choose to take a skip down bitchy-lane?
Follow the bitchy dark road. Follow the bitchy dark road. Follow, follow, follow, follow. Follow the bitchy dark road. We're off to see the Baggage, The biggest baggage of all. You'll find he is angry and bitter! Never so bitter there was! because, because, because, because! Because of his baggage he was! We're off to see the Baggage. The most wonderful baggage of alllllll!
Also another slightly negative profile quote: "If you have issues with honesty don't even bother, I know your type and I'm not in on that program."
If you have two paragraphs to explain yourself and who you want, why would you choose to take a skip down bitchy-lane?
Follow the bitchy dark road. Follow the bitchy dark road. Follow, follow, follow, follow. Follow the bitchy dark road. We're off to see the Baggage, The biggest baggage of all. You'll find he is angry and bitter! Never so bitter there was! because, because, because, because! Because of his baggage he was! We're off to see the Baggage. The most wonderful baggage of alllllll!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
My empathy cup runneth over.
I like this summarized personality profile, I feel like it's pretty accurate.
You care about the big picture. You are comfortable with large, ambiguous issues. You carefully weigh all of the variables involved, and regularly come up with imaginative solutions to complex problems.
You are friendly and humane. You have a big heart; you tend to trust people and sympathize with them easily. You want to make others happy and self-confident. So you work to build supportive networks among friends and kin.
Your empathy and kindness spill over into a desire to make the world a better place. And with your resilience and creativity, your ability to do many things at the same time, and your cleverness with words, you can be remarkably effective at improving the lives of others.
You are ambitious for your family and friends, but not always for yourself. You like an environment of sharing and consensus and you enjoy working in teams and planning long term.
You tend to be socially well-adjusted and skilled at inspiring others to reach their goals. So you are an empathetic and engaging companion.
Decisions, decisions
I might choose to get to know you because you are German, even if I'm not sure why you are wearing a cowboy hat.
I might choose not to learn more about you even though you seem cute but sometimes have guido-ish spiked hair. Well it was only one picture... Mr. Princess has put me in a more accepting mood.
Maybe online dating is all backwards. I think most successful relationships I know probably didn't work on paper when they started. Here I am picking based on paper. I can't believe how much harder this is than I feel like it should be.
I might choose not to learn more about you even though you seem cute but sometimes have guido-ish spiked hair. Well it was only one picture... Mr. Princess has put me in a more accepting mood.
Maybe online dating is all backwards. I think most successful relationships I know probably didn't work on paper when they started. Here I am picking based on paper. I can't believe how much harder this is than I feel like it should be.
Introducing Mr. Princess
I now have my first email from a second fella. He hasn't previously been mentioned because we went through the steps pretty quickly. His codename will be Mr. Princess. He seems funny and likes Almost Famous. Updates to come.
Not Getting Excited
Answered the phone. He speaks like Dan from Up with People, it was kind of freaking me out. He asked if I was free tomorrow. I said yes, let's get coffee. He said he knew my neighborhood. I said how about the Dazbog on 17th? He said a what? I said Dazbog, it is a coffee shop. He said oh I live off of Colorado. I said ok..., well we could go somewhere around there. He said how about dinner instead? I said fine (getting annoyed). He said where would you want to go? I said I don't really know that area. He asked well what kind of food would you want? Then he named off types of foods, Mexican, Thai, etc. (At this point thinking to myself, so you change the plans I came up with to make me pick new plans?). I said I don't really care. He says we can pick tomorrow or go out in my neighborhood. I say let's just make some plans and stick with it. I have missed two Golden Globes acceptance speeches, at this point, including the one from Precious. He picks Indian food. I say okay (even though I just had Indian food but frankly I didn't want to miss another speech with this debate).
Whoa! I thought I just saw Christina Aguilear's boob but it's just an unfortunate dress.
So, I guess I have a dinner date tomorrow. It's a 6 so if no one hears from me by 8:30 call my ninja protective team aka Chea and David, codenames: Asian Ankle Biter aka AAD and the White Man Who Can Jump aka Jumpy.
Indecisive and making me sit in the traffic. Neato, maybe I'll just send Jumpy and AAD to take him out.
PS. Now I feel guilty for being so judgmental. He may be excited and may be trying hard. Then I just be kind of a jerk. Boo me, boo. Boo dating.
Whoa! I thought I just saw Christina Aguilear's boob but it's just an unfortunate dress.
So, I guess I have a dinner date tomorrow. It's a 6 so if no one hears from me by 8:30 call my ninja protective team aka Chea and David, codenames: Asian Ankle Biter aka AAD and the White Man Who Can Jump aka Jumpy.
Indecisive and making me sit in the traffic. Neato, maybe I'll just send Jumpy and AAD to take him out.
PS. Now I feel guilty for being so judgmental. He may be excited and may be trying hard. Then I just be kind of a jerk. Boo me, boo. Boo dating.
Still on Lamebook...
but it's the girl from 16 and Pregnant. I will remember this when I think about knitting.
Lamebook or Lovelife?
So it seems that Kevin's brunch comments carried more weight than Sara's, in reference to the potential of Mr. Clean being a level 5 clinger. Kevin said something like, oh no, run away don't answer and even a coffee date will make this guy reach level 7. Sara said I should do it for her entertainment and the amusement of the blog readers (you know all 3 of you). Mr. Clean just called, I couldn't answer I was busy reading lamebook and the phone was really far away (as much as 2 to 3 inches). Now I will live blog the message he left me.
Hello, blah blah, a movie I should rent because it's bad and is in redbox. (Nicolas Cage is in it, of course it's bad.) What do you think did he just happen to be at a redbox or did he do research? This is critical for the clinger rating. I told him via text that neighbor always rents from redbox so it has to be a recently released bad movie for our bad movie night. Calling from the car. Will call back because he won't have his phone at "the game" (good no effort on my part). End Scene.
At least his voice was pleasant, voices are important to me. I guess I'll answer when he calls back. I almost typed if instead of when but let's be honest, he's calling back. I don't know why I have an aversion here so we'll see if Kevin or Sara wins out in the end.
From now on I'm not skipping ahead. I'll send an obligatory email and use chemistry's first date setter upper so no more potential clingers, creepers or serial killers end up with my phone number.
Knitting hurts lady bones. Ouch.
Hello, blah blah, a movie I should rent because it's bad and is in redbox. (Nicolas Cage is in it, of course it's bad.) What do you think did he just happen to be at a redbox or did he do research? This is critical for the clinger rating. I told him via text that neighbor always rents from redbox so it has to be a recently released bad movie for our bad movie night. Calling from the car. Will call back because he won't have his phone at "the game" (good no effort on my part). End Scene.
At least his voice was pleasant, voices are important to me. I guess I'll answer when he calls back. I almost typed if instead of when but let's be honest, he's calling back. I don't know why I have an aversion here so we'll see if Kevin or Sara wins out in the end.
From now on I'm not skipping ahead. I'll send an obligatory email and use chemistry's first date setter upper so no more potential clingers, creepers or serial killers end up with my phone number.
Knitting hurts lady bones. Ouch.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Dear Kristen, Don't Be a Wuss.
Ok. I didn't know whether I should write about this but it's kind of cheating the process if I don't.
On Friday, (Mom and any other family members reading this, you might want to stop now.) I sent a proposal to a fellow I've known a while with the encouragement of Zachy, so he can be partially blamed. (Mom, seriously stop reading). It may have gone something like this, "Hi, want to make out tonight?" Logistics were set up. His arrival at my apartment happened. I suddenly, lost my boldness and became amazingly awkward. I know if you send the suggestive text message it's your job to make the move but I got more like myself and chickened out. This lameness, on my part, continued for about two hours. Two hours of strange television watching. Craig Ferguson is funny but not exactly mood music. So he must figure after two hours that I'm not going to do anything and gets up to leave. I pull out my last card. The Pouting Card. It hasn't failed me yet and didn't fail me this time either. A little pout and a fake good-bye hug later and we have makey outey. Two hours of makey outey to counter two awkward hours. Word. Now you know, Mom.
On Friday, (Mom and any other family members reading this, you might want to stop now.) I sent a proposal to a fellow I've known a while with the encouragement of Zachy, so he can be partially blamed. (Mom, seriously stop reading). It may have gone something like this, "Hi, want to make out tonight?" Logistics were set up. His arrival at my apartment happened. I suddenly, lost my boldness and became amazingly awkward. I know if you send the suggestive text message it's your job to make the move but I got more like myself and chickened out. This lameness, on my part, continued for about two hours. Two hours of strange television watching. Craig Ferguson is funny but not exactly mood music. So he must figure after two hours that I'm not going to do anything and gets up to leave. I pull out my last card. The Pouting Card. It hasn't failed me yet and didn't fail me this time either. A little pout and a fake good-bye hug later and we have makey outey. Two hours of makey outey to counter two awkward hours. Word. Now you know, Mom.
Dear Journal: Day 6 Conclusions
Is it sad to drink a vodka cranberry by yourself at 5 o'clock on a Saturday night?
Is it sad when your new best friend is your own blog?
Is a person a level 5 clinger if he's already inviting himself to be included in a reoccurring event between me and my neighbor?
I escaped the dating escapades today. I took a leisurely bike ride to City Park, sat on a bench and enjoyed the amazingly warm sunshine. It was lovely but I couldn't help but feel lonely. I was trying to figure out why this was. I hadn't been physically alone for very long, I was actively talking via text message to at least one person all day but still it was there. The only conclusion I could come up with is that while actively trying to date can be fun it's also kind of be a bummer. I think it's something about acknowledging that you are alone and it isn't where you want to be. If you don't acknowledge it then it's not quite as easy to notice how many things might be more fun as a duo.
Random observation: I can't believe the number of guys who enjoy camping. I mean I like it, sort of, but it seems like some kind of pandemic interest.
Random Update: Moved onto the short answers with two more strapping lads, including the guy I got excited about being cute. I chickened out and texted the potential clinger (Codename: Mr. Clean), I just didn't have it in me to force a phone conversation tonight. Also my cute hippie barista is back and bearded but I didn't get up the gusto to make a move even though it seems like the time is now.
Is it sad when your new best friend is your own blog?
Is a person a level 5 clinger if he's already inviting himself to be included in a reoccurring event between me and my neighbor?
I escaped the dating escapades today. I took a leisurely bike ride to City Park, sat on a bench and enjoyed the amazingly warm sunshine. It was lovely but I couldn't help but feel lonely. I was trying to figure out why this was. I hadn't been physically alone for very long, I was actively talking via text message to at least one person all day but still it was there. The only conclusion I could come up with is that while actively trying to date can be fun it's also kind of be a bummer. I think it's something about acknowledging that you are alone and it isn't where you want to be. If you don't acknowledge it then it's not quite as easy to notice how many things might be more fun as a duo.
Random observation: I can't believe the number of guys who enjoy camping. I mean I like it, sort of, but it seems like some kind of pandemic interest.
Random Update: Moved onto the short answers with two more strapping lads, including the guy I got excited about being cute. I chickened out and texted the potential clinger (Codename: Mr. Clean), I just didn't have it in me to force a phone conversation tonight. Also my cute hippie barista is back and bearded but I didn't get up the gusto to make a move even though it seems like the time is now.
The Slow Float
I haven't talked about Plenty of Fish recently, aside from that super crazy profile. There has been a small amount of action. I've been getting a lot of attention from, well, pot heads. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I just don't think that would be a solid relationship base, for me. So I decided to change the answer I thought was probably producing the responses like that. So much for honesty.
I have been talking with someone who seems interesting. He's into art and music and perhaps has a hipster haircut. I just realized I've been viewing the 25-year-olds (like him) as the guys who are my age. Oh sad, old lady, you wish.
Anyway, The rest have been random one line messages of little value and effort. I still haven't made the effort to send a first message but it's a lot of work this double life.
I have been talking with someone who seems interesting. He's into art and music and perhaps has a hipster haircut. I just realized I've been viewing the 25-year-olds (like him) as the guys who are my age. Oh sad, old lady, you wish.
Anyway, The rest have been random one line messages of little value and effort. I still haven't made the effort to send a first message but it's a lot of work this double life.
Step By Step
Heck Yes! I found the long-lost reject button, it's tiny and called "no longer interested." Good, now I can let the accidental guy down easily. Of course, I still can't stop those who have "noticed" me but I suppose they can just keep staring like those creepy old dudes at the Horseshoe. Sadly, at least those guys sometimes buy me shots, Chemistry should add a free shot feature.
I may have a Stage 5 Clinger (is that how you say it Vinny?). I did mean to call that first guy last night but I do have a life and I, you know, got busy (in many senses of the word). He's already sent another email giving me his real email address. I don't really understand the point of that. Then reiterated that I could call him. Chill dude, it's been 36 hours.
Last night, I decided an additional guideline which means that this little project can be summed up by this clever motto, No Serious Dating, No Serious Mating! I suppose that if someone asks me about my personal motto again I can use that.... yeah.
I may have a Stage 5 Clinger (is that how you say it Vinny?). I did mean to call that first guy last night but I do have a life and I, you know, got busy (in many senses of the word). He's already sent another email giving me his real email address. I don't really understand the point of that. Then reiterated that I could call him. Chill dude, it's been 36 hours.
Last night, I decided an additional guideline which means that this little project can be summed up by this clever motto, No Serious Dating, No Serious Mating! I suppose that if someone asks me about my personal motto again I can use that.... yeah.
Friday, January 15, 2010
No Clever Title
I want to get rid of the following: The guys who have "noticed me," the guys who never replied and the one guy I accidentally decided to learn more about. I'm sure they are all very nice but the volume is starting to overwhelm me and I wake up in the middle of the night feeling stressed out. Unfortunately there is no way to get rid of them. Chemistry has one serious flaw, two if you count the lack of "I don't like yo' face."
Learned about myself today: I guess, I'm in to hair, dark wavy to curly hair and I also like when fella's smiles show teeth, seems more genuine. (I found a guy today who I think is really cute, bike shorts and all.)
Finally, the dude who I asked to coffee said "I like the way you think" then he gave me his number and said to call him or text him and he'd call me. Guess, I'll be calling because I refuse to have another relationship (even if it's a one coffee date relationship) based upon text messaging. He's the one I previously mentioned as having a non-ironic Mohawk but he also has dimples, dimples are cute.
Learned about myself today: I guess, I'm in to hair, dark wavy to curly hair and I also like when fella's smiles show teeth, seems more genuine. (I found a guy today who I think is really cute, bike shorts and all.)
Finally, the dude who I asked to coffee said "I like the way you think" then he gave me his number and said to call him or text him and he'd call me. Guess, I'll be calling because I refuse to have another relationship (even if it's a one coffee date relationship) based upon text messaging. He's the one I previously mentioned as having a non-ironic Mohawk but he also has dimples, dimples are cute.
Maybe?
I can't date a guy just because he has a cute cat. Right?
Oh not if he's in Crested Butte... only close cats need apply.
Oh not if he's in Crested Butte... only close cats need apply.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Chemistry Final Round, KnockOut
I just skipped the suggested time to small talk by email with my first fella and asked him if we should just grab a coffee to see if we get along in real life. This is out of character for me.I also just almost died a horrible death due to wet paint on a floor. I survived and now just the bottom of my shoes are painted gray. My rash actions probably have something to do with the flashes of dying alone I had as I slid around uncontrollably inside a pitch black server closet.
Ninja spies get your outfits ready for Operation Follow Kristen and Make Sure She Isn't Murdered. This is assuming he says yes and not just bugger off.
Ninja spies get your outfits ready for Operation Follow Kristen and Make Sure She Isn't Murdered. This is assuming he says yes and not just bugger off.
Chemisty Round Three ::Ding Ding Ding::
♫ First comes profile perusing, then comes graph-age, then comes short answers in a baby carriage. ♫
My songwriting leaves something to be desired, it's true.
I have moved onto step three with two lucky fellows (not the same as base three, I'm a lady, thank you). Step three I get to pick six short answer questions from a list to send him and he gets to do the same for me. There is a twitter-esque character limit for the answers so it becomes a real test of by abilities to answer the question and prove how amusing I am. I handled it though don't you worry. I tend to pick questions about music, travel and family. Both times I got a question asking me about my life motto. I answered differently each time because, well, I don't know that I have a life motto. Once I said something about bugs and pigs ending with a not-at-all-smooth "this is nothing." The next time I said something about saying yes to your friends or they will stop asking you to hang out. Not very strong life mottos. Do people really have life mottos? Tattoos of bible verses do not count, in my arrogant opinion.
Somehow I've also accidentally started along the path of contact with someone I did not mean to and now there is no getting out. Really, I've searched all over for a "yikes nevermind," "upon further consideration, nope," or a"please make him go away" buttons but haven't found one. He's not scary or anything I just should have clicked the "I don't like yo' face" button, oh right there isn't one.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Oh Yikes!
Plenty of Fish, It may be free but I think it's because you have to deal with a lot more angry and/or creepy people. I feel more afraid now than when someone is yelling for the crack dealer next door outside my window.....
Opening paragraph to on a very long profile...
"Umm... Is this the spot I'm supposed to write a grip of stuff, way more than I normally say, so you can MAYBE read some of it after I send you a stupid quick messege like "Hi, Youre cute" ('cause I think you are but I don't wanna waste my effort when chances are you're just gonna Reply with "Thanks" or "Your not so bad yourself" or "Tell me about yourself" and I'm going to get really bord of you because conversation is going to be dull and I'm going to be expected to rock your world with words that are easy to creat, followed by an invatation to take you out on a free super fun night while you do little or nothing to stimulate my conversation thought and imagination -however still managing to stimute other areas and frustration), and possibly through skimming over this you'll pick out a few ideas to add to our conversation and the confidence to make some effort aswell? Ok, I'm game, I'll try it. It can't work any worse than what I've been seeing."
My response to his "You're Cute" message:
Not to sound like a jack ass but while I'm not into you someone might be but your opening paragraph of your profile is pretty angry sounding and not very appealing. Also, your picture is creepy. Good luck!
Then I blocked him.
If I'm dead tomorrow. You have your suspect and a new tag of "scary." ::Whimper::
Opening paragraph to on a very long profile...
"Umm... Is this the spot I'm supposed to write a grip of stuff, way more than I normally say, so you can MAYBE read some of it after I send you a stupid quick messege like "Hi, Youre cute" ('cause I think you are but I don't wanna waste my effort when chances are you're just gonna Reply with "Thanks" or "Your not so bad yourself" or "Tell me about yourself" and I'm going to get really bord of you because conversation is going to be dull and I'm going to be expected to rock your world with words that are easy to creat, followed by an invatation to take you out on a free super fun night while you do little or nothing to stimulate my conversation thought and imagination -however still managing to stimute other areas and frustration), and possibly through skimming over this you'll pick out a few ideas to add to our conversation and the confidence to make some effort aswell? Ok, I'm game, I'll try it. It can't work any worse than what I've been seeing."
My response to his "You're Cute" message:
Not to sound like a jack ass but while I'm not into you someone might be but your opening paragraph of your profile is pretty angry sounding and not very appealing. Also, your picture is creepy. Good luck!
Then I blocked him.
If I'm dead tomorrow. You have your suspect and a new tag of "scary." ::Whimper::
Chemistry: Round Two ::ding ding::
Once you choose to learn more about someone the next step is, thankfully, quite simple. If I knew how to screen shot it, I would but I'm not as technologically advanced as I've led people to believe. Basically, there are about fifteen line graphs with titles like " he is good at saving money" and "loves pets" that you can move a little cursor between very important or not important. It is the same for every person and thankfully Chemistry saves your answers so you don't have to go through the list every time. Then you are supposed to compare your answers to his. I think this tool is only useful if the two answers were on opposite ends, otherwise it's just kind of a pretty to look at line graph.
Post edit:
Post edit:
Negative Nancy Looks Deep Inside.
I'm funny, it's true but I may be over-representing my cynicism so far on this hilariously good time blog. It's an up and down experience going through these profiles or as Sara put it,
"good AWFUL ok AWFUL tolerable AWFUL good"
I also added, "Am I being a judgmental jerk?"
This in turn makes me, within minutes, go from a state of excitement to near depression.
So here are some lines that have made me give these internet fellas a chance and perhaps even given me the slightest glimmer of hope.
"I'd love to meet someone that I can enjoy the evening with after a long day either at trivia, relaxing at home doing something simple in each others' company, or maybe hanging out with friends playing boardgames."
"Someone who loves to discuss interesting ideas and laugh at life's peculiarities."
"Nerdish (ha i just made a word call Webster's!!!)"
"sometimes i just love to snuggle on the couch"
"luna lovegood! well done!! what was
that for?"
"I have very poor grammar, but love sushi!"
And one guy had Dirty Projectors listed as an interest, I'm going to assume he meant the band, not actual dirty projectors.
"good AWFUL ok AWFUL tolerable AWFUL good"
I also added, "Am I being a judgmental jerk?"
This in turn makes me, within minutes, go from a state of excitement to near depression.
So here are some lines that have made me give these internet fellas a chance and perhaps even given me the slightest glimmer of hope.
"I'd love to meet someone that I can enjoy the evening with after a long day either at trivia, relaxing at home doing something simple in each others' company, or maybe hanging out with friends playing boardgames."
"Someone who loves to discuss interesting ideas and laugh at life's peculiarities."
"Nerdish (ha i just made a word call Webster's!!!)"
"sometimes i just love to snuggle on the couch"
"luna lovegood! well done!! what was
that for?"
"I have very poor grammar, but love sushi!"
And one guy had Dirty Projectors listed as an interest, I'm going to assume he meant the band, not actual dirty projectors.
Harry Potter, the way to my Heart
I responded to a person just because he knew that my picture was me dressed up as Luna Lovegood. It's a very effective screening process, that picture. Yoda thinks so too.
Chemistry Round One ::Ding::
My method worked and now I have a lot of perusing and deciding to do. I must have chosen my words and photos wisely (or people are easily impressed) because I have ten suitors interested in me and one who noticed me. I don't know what the difference is between the two categories.
The first on the list has a headline that reads "I love my wiener...dog that is :)" Poorly chosen words and use of emoticon. Makes me think of the unfortunate picture of a testicle I received on my phone on Friday night and my college roommate's annoying dog. His profile isn't too bad but he doesn't provide a picture which is just dumb, in my opinion. This isn't the Dating Game, dude.
Second guy has a picture and looks like my Godfather and some creepy Everquest player mated about 29 years ago. At this point I wonder, if you know you won't be attracted is it even worth it to spend the 36.8 seconds reading the profile? He needs a singer.... I'm not your lady, at all.
Third guy, no picture again. I just don't understand this. I might have liked you but you aren't showing all your cards... Next. Oh there is a button you can click to "request photo," still stupid.
Fourth guy, is it wrong to deny someone for simply wearing a paperboy hat?
Oh man I just realized there are more than ten to go through. This is time consuming....
Found a potential. He has stupid facial hair but well that's more temporary than a love for paperboy hats. I will click... learn more.
I'm learning a lot about myself through this process for instance I don't want to date a cast member of The Newsies, fellas who aren't ballsy enough to include a picture or guys with pear shaped heads.
You had me until "my favorite band is Social Distortion." I'm a snob, I fully admit it.
Ok eventhough you have an non-ironic mohawk and a frat t-shirt on, I'll give it a shot. See, detailed profiles can make a difference.
I still can't believe that they don't have the option of "not attracted to yo' face." Is it to make people feel better? So you are forcing me to lie?
Chemistry lists what the person has chosen to look for along side what they "are" and I find it, I don't know, lazy verging on desperate if every answer is "any" or "no prefrence." Really, you don't care if I'm a 400 pound, worshipper or Satan, divorcee with 3 kids who lives with her parents and drinks like a fish? Ok then.
I think I'm done. I currently have six Connections, meaning I clicked "Learn More," one "Decide Later" and four chaps waiting in limbo, sorry chaps.
Total time: 1.5 hours-ish
The first on the list has a headline that reads "I love my wiener...dog that is :)" Poorly chosen words and use of emoticon. Makes me think of the unfortunate picture of a testicle I received on my phone on Friday night and my college roommate's annoying dog. His profile isn't too bad but he doesn't provide a picture which is just dumb, in my opinion. This isn't the Dating Game, dude.
Second guy has a picture and looks like my Godfather and some creepy Everquest player mated about 29 years ago. At this point I wonder, if you know you won't be attracted is it even worth it to spend the 36.8 seconds reading the profile? He needs a singer.... I'm not your lady, at all.
Third guy, no picture again. I just don't understand this. I might have liked you but you aren't showing all your cards... Next. Oh there is a button you can click to "request photo," still stupid.
Fourth guy, is it wrong to deny someone for simply wearing a paperboy hat?
Oh man I just realized there are more than ten to go through. This is time consuming....
Found a potential. He has stupid facial hair but well that's more temporary than a love for paperboy hats. I will click... learn more.
I'm learning a lot about myself through this process for instance I don't want to date a cast member of The Newsies, fellas who aren't ballsy enough to include a picture or guys with pear shaped heads.
You had me until "my favorite band is Social Distortion." I'm a snob, I fully admit it.
Ok eventhough you have an non-ironic mohawk and a frat t-shirt on, I'll give it a shot. See, detailed profiles can make a difference.
I still can't believe that they don't have the option of "not attracted to yo' face." Is it to make people feel better? So you are forcing me to lie?Chemistry lists what the person has chosen to look for along side what they "are" and I find it, I don't know, lazy verging on desperate if every answer is "any" or "no prefrence." Really, you don't care if I'm a 400 pound, worshipper or Satan, divorcee with 3 kids who lives with her parents and drinks like a fish? Ok then.
I think I'm done. I currently have six Connections, meaning I clicked "Learn More," one "Decide Later" and four chaps waiting in limbo, sorry chaps.
Total time: 1.5 hours-ish
Raking in the Men
I figured out how one gets more quantity of matches on Chemistry. With the ones you get you have to categorize them either as "Not Reallys," "Decide Laters" (of which you can only have 5) or "Like to Learn More." If you don't do anything you don't get more matches. At first I was resentful, as you may have noticed, about this. I think, though, it's good. It rewards activeness and decisiveness which are positive qualities. It also forces me to be not as nice as I usually am, meaning I now have to cut someone if I'm just not that attracted to his picture or something he said in his profile, no dangling the men along. Way to make me a better person Chemistry, well played.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Reflections on Day 2
To summarize: I've joined 2 websites.
I so far find Plenty of Fish overwhelming and disorganized. At first I thought window shopping would be fun but then I remembered that when window shopping you don't even have to consider buying the stuff you're seeing. I suppose I need to do my homework, message guys myself and take charge blah blah feminism blah blah.
I feel like it's not totally fair to judge Chemistry yet but hopefully they give me more matches soon because these "quality not quantity" ones aren't getting me too jazzed about the $50 I just dropped. However, their site is much more user friendly than the other so I feel visually pleased at the least. Mostly it's just making me miss Eharmony but that may be for a myriad of emotional issue based reasons, isn't that right Dr. Phil?
I've also made plans for next week to go trolling for men with my best wing-lady at a swanky spot in Cherry Creek, so there's that.
And I may have also found a single friend who will go speed dating with me... more research to be done on that one. If it turns out anything like the 40-year-old Virgin speed dating I shall be plenty pleased.
I feel exhausted and I haven't even been doing much except clicking the mouse.
Goodnight.
I so far find Plenty of Fish overwhelming and disorganized. At first I thought window shopping would be fun but then I remembered that when window shopping you don't even have to consider buying the stuff you're seeing. I suppose I need to do my homework, message guys myself and take charge blah blah feminism blah blah.
I feel like it's not totally fair to judge Chemistry yet but hopefully they give me more matches soon because these "quality not quantity" ones aren't getting me too jazzed about the $50 I just dropped. However, their site is much more user friendly than the other so I feel visually pleased at the least. Mostly it's just making me miss Eharmony but that may be for a myriad of emotional issue based reasons, isn't that right Dr. Phil?
I've also made plans for next week to go trolling for men with my best wing-lady at a swanky spot in Cherry Creek, so there's that.
And I may have also found a single friend who will go speed dating with me... more research to be done on that one. If it turns out anything like the 40-year-old Virgin speed dating I shall be plenty pleased.
I feel exhausted and I haven't even been doing much except clicking the mouse.
Goodnight.
Personality Profile: Chemistry
I am primarily a Negotiator (28%) and Secondarily a Builder (27%). Using those percentages I would say I'm more just even keeled (4 categories only one scoring below 20%) then again if I understood the math behind love this would be a wedding blog.
Results:
Negotiator:
Bill Clinton, Katie Holmes, Oprah, Leo Tolstoy (isn't he dead he shouldn't be taking chemistry quizzes?)
Results:
You are interested in the big picture. You like to examine large, ambiguous issues and ideas. You carefully weigh all of the variables involved, connect disparate facts in novel ways and regularly come up with imaginative solutions to complex problems. You see holistically and can be visionary.
You are friendly and humane. You have a big heart; you tend to trust people and sympathize with them easily. You intuitively know what they are thinking and feeling. And because you are agreeable and mentally flexible, you go out of your way to make others comfortable and happy. You seek to make intimate, meaningful friendships.
Your empathy and altruism spill over into a desire to make the world a better place. And with your resilience and imagination, your ability to do many things at the same time, your people skills and your command of language, you can be remarkably effective at improving the lives of others.
You are also traditional. You have clear moral values and tend to stick to your point of view. Yet you almost always seek consensus and harmony, and are willing to give up some of your pleasures to build an orderly, harmonious home and family lifeNegotiator:
- Good at seeing the big picture
- Empathetic
- Imaginative
- Trusting
- Intuitive
- Introspective
- Skilled verbally
- Traditional
- Patient
- Social
- Community Oriented
- Loyal
- Orderly
- Dependable
Relating to others
You tend to be well-adjusted, trusting, compassionate, intuitive and interested in people. And you work to keep your networks intact. You also look in as well as out; you are introspective. And you like probing the meanings of life. So you avoid casual chit-chat. You can be so agreeable that some people may overlook your complex personality.
In love and relationships
You are a die-hard romantic, and you must have depth and meaning in your relationships. You like heart-to-heart exchanges that explore personal philosophies, goals, ethical dilemmas, and the meanings behind art, music, poetry or some other abstract topic. You are emotionally expressive and want your partner to share his or her genuine self with you. You also admire people who make plans and schedules. And you are attracted to a mate with a fixed moral compass. Moreover, for you, love must be embedded in a stable long-term relationship beginning with a march down the aisle. Most important, to balance your imaginative and supple spirit, you gravitate to people who know their own mind, make decisions quickly, focus on one thing at a time and can provide a stable home. And you can be very sensitive to your mate, communicating your emotions clearly and tenderly.
Things to be aware of
- Because you can see so many angles to an issue or decision, you can be indecisive.
- Your need to please can make you placating and your trusting nature can make you gullible.
- When you feel betrayed you can be unforgiving and hold a grudge too long.
Bill Clinton, Katie Holmes, Oprah, Leo Tolstoy (isn't he dead he shouldn't be taking chemistry quizzes?)
Matches: Chemistry
So Unlike Plenty of Fish, Chemistry gives you actual matches not just every single person in your area. I don't know how well I filled out the survey but the first person I was matched with because we both value spirituality (I do?) and he's a conservative. Hum...
I will say that most of these sites less Eharmony do not let you choose the political beliefs of your matches and for someone like me, that's pretty important.
Just finished looking through the 1st set of 10 matches. Only rejected, I think 3, guys (one on looks, even though that wasn't a reason you could and one or two on the information on their profiles). The rest I left to decide later since no one really jumped out at me. Oh you can only keep 5 in limbo, tricky forcing me to make decisions.
Well that will do it for the first run on Chemistry. Wait and see what happens for the moment because now I'm pooped.
I will say that most of these sites less Eharmony do not let you choose the political beliefs of your matches and for someone like me, that's pretty important.
Just finished looking through the 1st set of 10 matches. Only rejected, I think 3, guys (one on looks, even though that wasn't a reason you could and one or two on the information on their profiles). The rest I left to decide later since no one really jumped out at me. Oh you can only keep 5 in limbo, tricky forcing me to make decisions.
Well that will do it for the first run on Chemistry. Wait and see what happens for the moment because now I'm pooped.
Sign Up: Chemistry
Money wins out that and I feel like a lot of people have tried Match and I've never personally heard great things.
So Chemisty.com's deal makes it $49.95 for 3 months. That may sound like a lot of sweet sweet cash, and it is, but eharmony last year cost me $60 per month and I definitely didn't not get enough hot dates paid for to cover that expense.
Taking the "Analytical Questions" Survey:
I'm intrigued the very first question is about the purportions of my right hand. Mine is "index finger slightly shorter than ring finger." I hope there is a palm reading next.
These questions are so different than the old standards. I'm an oldest child, looking for a single or double income marriage or I don't know, my sock drawer is just a little bit neat (I didn't ask about suspicious items that may or may not be currently hiding in it). Now I have to put my friends into a category, this one is harder. Choices: Social Crowd, Intellectuals, Adventurists or Acitivists. I'll call you guys Intellectuals, I don't know.
Now I have to play some kind of space perception game, gosh, this is bizzare.
Then standard questionnare.
Haha oh it's asking about my doodles. The gig is up, I draw hearts but only becasue I have very lousy drawing skills and hearts and cubes are the only things I've ever really been able to draw. You should see my attempts at stars, downright pitiful.
Picking a title for a book based on the cover picture. At this point I'm so interesting I want to date myself.
Light Yellow is the color I chose to describe my personality.
Woot! Got my second puzzle totally right! (That's assuming there is a right). That's going to come up I'm sure.
Now on to my Personal History etc...
This site uses more visuals than I've ever seen. Good work keeping me interested.
Is it important if my match has children? I don't know. I'm sad that I'm old enough now that this is a real potential issue.
And my least favorite part.... Headlines and Bios. Bleh.
Headline: Have you met my friend Kristen? (HIMYM stealing there and sad 3rd person narrative)
Bio: Admitted I like Harry Potter, the Economist and sometimes a comic book. Bring on the hot nerds!
Finished. Time: 45 minutes or so.
So Chemisty.com's deal makes it $49.95 for 3 months. That may sound like a lot of sweet sweet cash, and it is, but eharmony last year cost me $60 per month and I definitely didn't not get enough hot dates paid for to cover that expense.
Taking the "Analytical Questions" Survey:
I'm intrigued the very first question is about the purportions of my right hand. Mine is "index finger slightly shorter than ring finger." I hope there is a palm reading next.
These questions are so different than the old standards. I'm an oldest child, looking for a single or double income marriage or I don't know, my sock drawer is just a little bit neat (I didn't ask about suspicious items that may or may not be currently hiding in it). Now I have to put my friends into a category, this one is harder. Choices: Social Crowd, Intellectuals, Adventurists or Acitivists. I'll call you guys Intellectuals, I don't know.
Now I have to play some kind of space perception game, gosh, this is bizzare.Then standard questionnare.
Haha oh it's asking about my doodles. The gig is up, I draw hearts but only becasue I have very lousy drawing skills and hearts and cubes are the only things I've ever really been able to draw. You should see my attempts at stars, downright pitiful.
Picking a title for a book based on the cover picture. At this point I'm so interesting I want to date myself.
Light Yellow is the color I chose to describe my personality.
Woot! Got my second puzzle totally right! (That's assuming there is a right). That's going to come up I'm sure.
Now on to my Personal History etc...
This site uses more visuals than I've ever seen. Good work keeping me interested.
Is it important if my match has children? I don't know. I'm sad that I'm old enough now that this is a real potential issue.
And my least favorite part.... Headlines and Bios. Bleh.
Headline: Have you met my friend Kristen? (HIMYM stealing there and sad 3rd person narrative)
Bio: Admitted I like Harry Potter, the Economist and sometimes a comic book. Bring on the hot nerds!
Finished. Time: 45 minutes or so.
The Next Steps
I'm trying to decide the other site I should join for this experiment. I can be an advertising sucker and I see the most commercials these days for Chemistry.com and Match.com. I guess therefore these would be the top two contenders.
I found this handy list. Which makes me lean towards Match.com for its customer satisfaction rating and large pool. Even though supposedly I can get three months for one on chemistry.com which is a good deal for me and my goals. 6 Million more people (meaning what 2 million dudes?) or cheapness?
Decisions, Decisions.
I found this handy list. Which makes me lean towards Match.com for its customer satisfaction rating and large pool. Even though supposedly I can get three months for one on chemistry.com which is a good deal for me and my goals. 6 Million more people (meaning what 2 million dudes?) or cheapness?
Decisions, Decisions.
Monday, January 11, 2010
"a realist with a touch of hopeless romantic.”
I just took quiz two on Plenty of Fish, the Relationship Needs Assessment. I am feeling slightly overwhelmed by the results, they are extensive. Apparently I have many idiosyncrasies in my needs. I just read the bottom lines because I'm feeling tired and well, I already missed Headlines on Jay Leno so my night is shot. In case you misplaced your very long and boring book or just are more curious about me than I am about myself....
Interdependence
Interdependence refers to how much you need dependency or a “couple identity” with your partner. You are moderately interdependent in a relationship. This means that you desire a good degree of physical and emotional connection with a partner. And you absolutely are drawn to someone whom you can respect and even emulate to some degree. In fact, it is quite common for a person in this score range to consider how your romantic partner would reflect on your family and friends. This all does not mean that you do not need personal space now and then; nearly everyone values being unique and different from others in some respects. However, people in this range draw strength, comfort and a strong sense of identity from their close relationships. Thus, when you feel close to someone this person becomes an extremely important part of who you are on the inside and outside. You probably prefer that you and your partner’s recreational activities be shared together since you like having your partner physically close and you desire showing off your “couplehood” in public. Bottom line: you need someone who likes frequent physical and emotional connection like you do, but who helps keeps dependency in check in the relationship so that you two do not lose your identities as individuals.Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “interdependency” needs with potential partners:
“Do you think couples can ever get to the point when they spend too much time together? – and if so, how do you know when that point is?”
“How much time away from a lover do you think you need in a given week? – and what kinds of things do you like to do for yourself during your free time?”
“What really makes a date or any time with a partner truly special for you?”
IntimacyIntimacy refers to the how much you need emotional closeness with your partner. You are clearly comfortable with giving and receiving emotional intimacy. You long for emotional closeness and security with a special person, and you tend to be open with a partner in return. That openness includes lessons learned from your past experiences and relationships, extending trust, believing your partner returns your feelings and devotion and being generally comfortable with surrendering yourself to a partner. In fact, you probably would feel uncomfortable if there were serious secrets between you and your partner. Likewise, you probably regard a partner as your best friend and your foremost confidant. There is likely no hesitation discussing current problems or concerns with that person. It also seems that you have realistic expectations for a committed relationship. However, you may find yourself wondering whether your partner’s feelings are equally as strong as yours. Still, people in this scoring range are willing to take the risks associated with being vulnerable on many levels. Bottom line: you need someone who desires and reciprocates intimacy as much as you do.Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “intimacy” needs with potential partners: “Have you tended to avoid arguments with past partners or is it more like you to talk about all types of the feelings and concerns you have?” “Do you think couples should always be open and honest with each other, or are there things that it is okay to hold back?” “Can you talk and share on an intimate level as well as you listen to a friend in need?” |
Self-efficacySelf-Efficacy refers to your self-image, stability of mood and level of motivation. People like you are characterized by a strong self-esteem, sense of self and sense of accomplishment. Those who know you best would likely describe you as influential, patient and accepting of others – and calm, cool and collected most of the time. You are content with your personal qualities and feel you are an attractive person. Moreover, you probably have a good sense of control over the events in your life and are decisive in managing your life. In this sense, you likely do not overreact to circumstances as others might do. Rather, people in your scoring range are quite adaptable and are able to maintain a balanced perspective on situations. Additionally, you are also very influential and persuasive with others. Therefore, it is expected that family, friends and acquaintances often come to you for ideas of guidance across a range of issues. You are confident that people who are important in your life understand you, but you also tend to be comfortable not giving in to peer, family and other social pressures. Family is indeed important to you, but their expectations do not strongly influence your life. Instead, people who score like you tend to have their own well-defined ambitions and goals – and may even set specific benchmarks to monitor the progress made toward achievements. Bottom line: you need a partner who is energetic, enthusiastic and has high self-efficacy like you and will support or even participate in your personal and professional interests that feed your sense of identity and accomplishment.Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “self-efficacy” needs with potential partners: “To what extent do you need a job or hobbies that allow you to express your energy and creativity?” “Do you like solving the challenges that work and home life throw at you? Why or Why not? “ “What are some of the best ways to turn around a ‘bad day’?” |
Relationship readinessRelationship Readiness refers to how prepared you are emotionally, psychologically and pragmatically for a committed relationship. You seem to be happy and content in your life. This is an excellent foundation for a committed relationship. In fact, most people in this scoring range have a clear vision and a sense of purpose for their life. They can connect well with others with effective relationship and dating skills, they have well defined ideas about where their life is headed and they are assertive and resourceful in meeting their goals. Therefore, you likely feel in control and are able to take charge and go after what you want in life and in a relationship. Your housekeeping is also probably in check – meaning that you do not have any negative baggage that can weigh down a relationship, like financial or legal problems or emotional, health or family issues. As such, you appear to be looking for a relationship to complement your life, not to fulfill or “complete” it. You probably have a lot to offer a partner, as long as you do not set unrealistic expectations for that person or the relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who is not looking to be taken care of, but rather who is realistic about the hard work it takes to build and maintain a stable and satisfying relationship.Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “relationship readiness” needs with potential partners: “How do you personally define success in life?” “In what ways do your relationships with your children, ex-partner/spouse, siblings, parents and extended family interfere with having the life and relationship that you want?” “How would you describe your requirements for a romantic partner?” |
CommunicationCommunication refers to your approach to interpersonal interactions and level of emotional intelligence. Effective communicators have strong emotional intelligence, and you seem to have an excellent level of emotional intelligence. It is expected that you show considerable tolerance of ambiguity and emotional expression. You have the capacity for being extremely sensitive to other’s feelings and to their body language. Those who know you well would probably describe you as patient and eager to listen to others. People in this scoring range are also not afraid of making or admitting to mistakes. They consistently and bravely show vulnerability to others. In fact, they are keenly aware how their behavior impacts others. You can communicate your needs and feelings honestly when someone engages you directly, but you may not always take the initiative to be assertive with others. In this sense, it is likely that you seek to understand others, rather than seek for others to understand you. Bottom line: you need someone who will not put up emotional barriers when you seek to understand his/her thoughts and feelings, but rather will communicate with you intimately and candidly.Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “communication” needs with potential partners: “Do you ever feel afraid that once a romantic partner gets to know you really well, that s/he will like who you really are or will think less of you?” “Do you find it difficult to trust a romantic partner completely? Explain” “Would you feel uncomfortable telling your partner about things in the past of which you felt ashamed?” Food for Thought! PlentyofFish wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach. Issues you seem to Over-value I stay focused (not lost in unimportant details or procrastination) in getting a job done. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you can not reprioritize responsibilities when needed or tell others “no,” that you do not have a strong attention to detail or that you do not challenge assumptions when necessary. On the positive side, it could mean that you are not easily distracted or self absorbed, that you have energy and motivation or that you have a good sense of priorities. I am comfortable with pauses when others are experiencing emotion. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you do not always strive to understand what another person is thinking, that you dislike talking through problems or that you are not eager to address the key issues when communicating with another person. On the positive side, it could mean that you do not readily jump to conclusions, that you maintain an optimistic outlook or that you are good at understanding nonverbal communication. Issues you seem to Under-value I freely admit to making mistakes. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you have an unrealistic view of yourself, that you are self conscious, that you are overly proud or that you have low self esteem. On the positive side, it could mean that you are not self critical or that you do not like to focus on negatives but instead seek out positives. |
Conflict resolutionConflict Resolution refers to your stress management and problem solving skills. Effective conflict resolution has nine general elements: View Conflict as Positive; Address Conflict in the Proper Atmosphere; Clarify Perceptions; Note Needs, not wants; Draw on the Power of a Positive Partnership; Focus on the Future, then learn from the past; Identify Options for Mutual Gain; Develop ‘Doables’ or stepping stones to action; and Make Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. Your score indicates that you are strongest in the areas of Viewing Conflict as Positive (as learning opportunities); Clarifying Perceptions; Noting Needs; Drawing on Power of a Positive Partnership; and Developing Doables or stepping stones for actions. This all suggests that you are very action-oriented when addressing problems. Rather than avoid conflict, you seem to evaluate the possible solutions and then actively engage your partner to work on a positive outcome. Your definition of positive outcomes, however, may not always agree with your partner’s definition. For example, in eagerness to find what appears to be a complete and genuine resolution of a conflict rather than settling for a temporary agreement, you may focus on meeting your needs while unwittingly downplaying or minimizing whether your partner’s needs have been met as well. Furthermore, people in this scoring range do not consistently consider the Proper Atmosphere when addressing relationship problems. That is, you may neither consistently arrange for a mutually acceptable time and setting nor choose your opening statement carefully to establish positive yet realistic expectations. Bottom line: you need someone who is calm, cool and collected and who is willing to address issues spontaneously and through intense, action-oriented debates and discussions.Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “conflict resolution” needs with potential partners: “Would you describe yourself as a rapid thinker? Explain” “When you become frustrated at not being able to figure out the solution to a problem, does that make you work even harder to solve it? Explain” “On a typical day, would you describe yourself as a person who likes frequent change? Explain” Food for Thought! PlentyofFish wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach. Issues you seem to Over-value In conflict my reactions are based on how I think the other party perceives me. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you do not value individuality and independence or that you posture to people. On the positive side, it could mean that you are not self absorbed or egotistical, that you have good emotional intelligence or that you do not jump to conclusions. |
SexualitySexuality refers to your needs (frequency, boundaries, expressions) related to physical intimacy. Scientific models of love and attachment always include physical chemistry and sexuality. It is a crucial topic for any couple to address, because it involves issues of control and vulnerability. People at your scoring level have a firm sense of their sexual orientation, preferred sexual activities and comfort level. You like sex that is romantic, adventurous and fun, but for you sex is not a casual event. Sex has great importance in your relationship, and it is reserved for someone you love. You may think your sexual preferences would be viewed as conservative by others, but you are hardly a prude. You tend to be very confident in your sexual ability, you are not self conscious in bed and you are open to try various activities. People in this scoring range are willing to be vulnerable and relinquish control in the bedroom to their partners. In other words, you are not sexually selfish. While you appreciate spontaneity and wild abandon in sex, you also seem to like for sex to be planned to some extent. Most times this probably reflects the fact that you like to set the mood, build anticipation and ensure you have privacy and no interruptions. Bottom line: you need someone who regards sex as a meaningful bond between people in love and who appreciates when it is planned to some extent rather than completely spontaneous.Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “sexual” needs with potential partners: “How important to you is preparation for sex? – and under what situations?” “In your mind, is there any difference between ‘having sex’ and ‘making love’?” “Do your sexual fantasies tend to involve romantic scenes and anticipation or do they trend to being more about spontaneity and unbridled passion?” Food for Thought! PlentyofFish wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach. Issues you seem to Under-value I wait until I am in love with a person before having sex with him/her . Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you prefer superficial attachments to partners, that you have low self esteem, that you are selfish and hedonistic or that you are impulsive in thought, feeling and deed. On the positive side, it could mean that you are spontaneous and passionate or that you know what you like. |
Attitudes toward loveAttitudes Toward Love refers to your level of needs for romantic love and friendship love. There are two main types of love – Romantic Love and Companionate Love. Romantic Love is passionate, emotional and intense, whereas Companionate Love is a deep, affectionate attachment. People feel these two types of loves to different degrees in a relationship, and the levels of each can fluctuate over time. You scored as someone who may be best described as "a realist with a touch of hopeless romantic.” This means that you do value Romantic Love, but for you a relationship must have a strong dose of Companionate Love. Thus, people in this scoring range typically believe that differences can be overcome and lasting love can be sustained if the couple does the hard of work of consistently showing mutual understanding and accommodation. In this sense, it is likely that you believe soul mates are made, not born. Bottom line: you need someone who believes that the best kind of love grows out of a strong friendship.Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “love attitude” needs with potential partners: “Do you believe that the best kind of love grows out of strong friendship?” “In your opinion, how can a couple overcome differences on issues like religion, ethnicity, politics or social class?” “When it comes to a romantic partner, how would define someone who is unusually well adjusted?” |
Preferred Expressions of Affection
Preferred Expressions of Affection refers to your likes and dislikes for different ways a partner can express love and devotion. There are many ways in which people show affection to their loved ones: physical touch, doing favors, spending time together, giving gifts or communicating love through words. Statistically, you gave higher weighted ratings to the gift of Time. Bottom line: You need someone who can express affection and show you are a priority by spending time with you – such as simply talking and cuddling at home, taking leisurely strolls outside or extended road trips.Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “affection” needs with potential partners:
“Have you ever taken off work early to spend some special with your partner or a loved one?”
“Have past partners consistently complained that you would frequently call to say you were running late for a date?”
“How much alone time during the week do you need with a partner to feel satisfied?”
Out of the various modes of expressing affection, Actions received lower weighted ratings from you. Bottom line: This does not necessarily mean that you neither like nor need Actions. Rather, it suggests that you need someone who feels that simple or grand acts of kindness are no substitutes for other expressions of affection – such as telling you how they feel, treating you like a partner, touching you lovingly, spending time with you or remembering special occasions with a thoughtful gift.
Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “affection” needs with potential partners:
“In what ways – if any – do you like for a partner to depend on you?”
“Have you offered to throw a party for someone? – if so, why did you take on that responsibility?”
“What are some things you have done for other people that they would say were the most thoughtful?”
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