Exhausting as always

I can't decide if I have had plenty (or more than enough) fishing. Sara suggested that even though my three months are up I could just leave the profile up there and check it every now and again.

I kind of thought, here at the end, I'd give a positive review of what is to be had on the internet. I know people have had good experiences, for heaven's sake I'm going to a wedding next month that is based on such a story. I feel like I met a good person but the potential there is up in the air at this point. Maybe there are other people like me, people who really are ready for an actual relationship. I worry though that I'm just going to meet more of the same: douchebags, people who are too awkward in person and people who are using it as a easy way to rebound. I mean I guess it's free so I might as well just let it be. I will let the final set of messages be the deciding factor if I stick on this site.

One reply, even though I don't know why I'm doing it since I'm not really finding him attractive based on the pictures. (Stay on?: Nah)

Ok scratch that thought. Holy Fuck! DONE. A message from my friend's ex-fiance/giant douche bag? Are you kidding me? I really want to send a nasty message in return but better get approval first. (Just called nearly every person I know, no answer, everyone besides me has a life on Sunday afternoon, being single is the worst on Sundays) (Stay On?: NO WAY)

As much as I didn't feel like going after that at least there was a nice message from potentially cute fella. (Thanks fish site for making my life so complicated). Replied. (Stay On?: Perhaps)

Apparently just agreed to go for some coffee. The more messages I read the more reckless and insane I'm feeling (maybe worried about putting all my eggs in one basket that is attached to a jetpack). (Stay On?: Maybe I should.)

I love it! I've official gotten three (this being the third) stock messages more than once! It's a wonder anyone gets together anymore with behavior like this out there. (Stay On?: Feeling more pointless)

"ok lets face it im a pretty
amazing guy so dont mess up your
chance here lol jp. so whats up?"
(Stay On?: Nope)

Add on the the 4 "hi, what's ups" and I feel like the question is answered. Perhaps I'll stay on long enough to correspond with the two nice ones and hopefully get to send that jerk a very mean message. Then maybe, I need a break and a cat and perhaps a tub of frosting.

Procrastination, it never pays off.

There is picture of me on my homepage with a little green caption that reads "sexiest user," thanks. I don't know who votes for it or if it's randomly assigned but I'll take it!

Oh my... 30 emails to read and potentially answer. This would be a lot easier if the internet wasn't going so slowly, at least I have my true love (March Madness) to distract me.

Message three of "Hello" leads to probably the most douche-heavy profile I have seen yet. Don't believe me take a gander at a sampling of his interests: retardation, reverse cowgirl, non cheating girlfriends. Keep it classy, San Diego.

***Butler leads: 12 to 11***

So what now I have a message from someone I just started talking to before a few weeks ago. Reply? Don't reply? Decided not to reply better to let people sit on the back burner instead of throwing it out, for now, just in case.

I wonder if people realize how bitter they can sound...
"Instead of talking about me, let's talk about you. If you don't feel like this describes you for the most part, odds are I won't like you.
You have at least some sense of social etiquette. You're comfortable with your sexuality. (That just means you know what you like, not that you are easy or sleep around) If you have a tattoo, it's small and cute, but preferably you have none."
And the list goes on and on and on. (I actually replied to his email because he put in some effort; he could probably use something to help him become less bitter and because I had an easy out of him living too far away) Moving on...

Oh dude, you are not a model, nice try.

Well that's new, an about me consisting of YouTube links. I tried to click one but due to slow computer it froze my browser. They did not appear to be dirty links. Still kind of odd.

There seem to be a lot of guys from Fort Fun, apparently not so Fun after all.

Kansas??? Wow. I should have figured out how to limit the distance.

Apparently my profile (and conversely my personality) is contradictory but interestingly so, I've now been told this at least two times. A lesson in how I'm perceived by others.

***Halftime***

I replied to a guy who wrote a whole email about how he has wanted to message me but has been intimidated and may not be the hottest guy on the site. Sad. I wrote him thank you, I'm not scary but also not looking outside the Denver area. Poor fellow, chin up!

"Fuck a subjjecto line" with accompanying message of nonsense typing. Is this internet anger? Continue blocking rampage!

Alrighty then. Made it through.

In Conclusion:

Number of Messages (of 30) that consisted of..

Only Hi + adjective (cutie, beautiful, etc): 4
Only Hi, How are you?: 5
JUST Hi: 2
Some effort referencing my profile: about 8
Requests to meet-up or chat online: 4
Just kind of sad stuff: 1
A seemingly stock message: 4
Just a smiley :( : 1

I just tried to look at Mr. Jetpack's profile to brighten things up but since messages automatically get deleted after 20 or so days it proved rather difficult. So much for internet stalking.

***Duke leads 45 to 43*** C'mon Butler!

Gem of the Day

Such flattery makes me blush...

"You look alright....how have you been?"

...or maybe just giggle. By the way, that was the entire message.

And the runner up for Gem of the day...

" wow! dang! youzaaa! jeez luise! mother terazza! holy mole 1 jumpin jahosapjhtas! jeeper crimineez bat boi and robin! babababavavavoom ! goly gosh bever and wally! you is hot! very beautiful!

ps(what does ps stand for again) any p.s dont burn yourself young ladeeeh. . . yeah"

I had to reply to that; how could I resist such silly?

Never Fails to Amuse.

Today's *first* message gems:

"Hi sweetie How are you doing?.. Hey I recommend you DINNER on the first date instead of coffee shop.. If you want we can drink coffee after dinner.."

It just warms my heart when you start our storybook romance by telling me what I like to do is wrong. ::swoon::

"would u like to chat?"

How did you know? I love chatting with people who can't be bothered to spend the nanoseconds typing y and o.

" Hey I liked your profile and would love to
get know you and looks like we have a lot
a common."

His Listed Interests:

Motorcycle	Working Out	Friends
Fmaily	Camping	All Sports
Rock Climbing	Racing Cars

My Listed Interests:

eating	travel	movies
yeasayer	dorky stuff	voluneering
spontaneous dance parties	lighthearted political discussions	witty banter
advice columns	skiing	cycling

Am I missing something? Like the commonalities?

And in a never before seen lousy 4th message...

"What's up Killer? Too busy to chat? Hollaaaaaaa!"

Weird. Just Weird.

The Daily Message Gems

"I like your profile, you sound alot of fun. Your blonde, short, and beautiful. I would like to meet you sometime. =)"

Pass

"Obviously I am shooting you this message because I like your profile pics and would like to chat more if you’re cool with that. But I’m not really into the online dating thing so I don’t want to mislead you. If you’re interested hit me up on My Space"

Does myspace trump online dating? What if you are patrolling online dating sites but then making a girl do the work to find your myspace? So maybe you are pointing out that you're cooler than me by not actually online dating? Myspace was so 2007.

I know I just highlighted the baddies but I actually had at least 3 interesting emails. I have nothing to credit but Tom and his pictures so if these guys aren't married, thanks, Tom.

I like Turtles

Getting back to the dirty work of internet dating. I had one short answer response to read on Chemistry and that guy really took the short to heart; 50% one word answers and 50% two word answers. Wow, it's been so much fun getting to know you. Now that I know you wish you could... "fly." That's deep. I'll also be able to distinguish you from the pack due to your guilty pleasure of "beer." Lame.

Three emails on Plenty of Fish. I resolve to this week making a first email myself.
One guy who I think already emailed me, yes that creepy non-smiling looks vaguely familiar...
This guy:
"im just looking for someone who thinks they can handle me and my life. which apparently is not an easy thing too. what happened to all the strong women out therE?" (Yes dude, it's obviously all our faults)
Oh and a cute artsy Brit? Are you real? Hum... I see a little ray of sunshine. Or I'll just get a tan from standing in the English rain.

So after some thinking I think I'm going to change my primary photo. I know I look adorable in the original but instead I'm substituting this one, it's recent, I'm wearing lipstick and my hair was done by a professional. That and it's one of the few where I don't have a turtle-like-neck or that family trait of pseudo double chin. It also shows off my talents of photo cropping because you don't see my brother's floating ear in the background. Let the interested roll in...

He's Out There Ladies, Waiting For You.

I just realized I should be documenting these gems, so here we go...

Profile Winners:

"Also someone to share my life with, and not try and rule mine or put me in a cage."

"I would like to travle the world someday. I am looking for an adventurous women that isn't affraid to go out and have a good time,"

"tiered of waisting time!"

"I'm looking for a woman who has a nice blend of spirituality and feminine sexuality."

"I tend to think of myself as going against the grain as far as interest in mainstream movies, music, books, and ideology about religion and politics, as I find most of the content found in that realm to be sub-par. However, I am as far from judgmental as a person can come"

"Unless you're ghetto, we will probably get along."

Received Messages:

"so tell me when do I get to take you out "

"After reading your profile it seems like we have a lot in common. I was wondering what are your hobbies and what do you like to do for fun."

"hey pretty
r u gonna ever make my day and write me back? plz do"

"Nice lady how are u? My name is Aba i am 28 years of age young man, am stayiny in Greeley and am studieng music. i really like yr profile and would love to be in touch"


If you are lawyer, I made all of these up, no really, I did.

Oh Yikes!

Plenty of Fish, It may be free but I think it's because you have to deal with a lot more angry and/or creepy people. I feel more afraid now than when someone is yelling for the crack dealer next door outside my window.....

Opening paragraph to on a very long profile...

"Umm... Is this the spot I'm supposed to write a grip of stuff, way more than I normally say, so you can MAYBE read some of it after I send you a stupid quick messege like "Hi, Youre cute" ('cause I think you are but I don't wanna waste my effort when chances are you're just gonna Reply with "Thanks" or "Your not so bad yourself" or "Tell me about yourself" and I'm going to get really bord of you because conversation is going to be dull and I'm going to be expected to rock your world with words that are easy to creat, followed by an invatation to take you out on a free super fun night while you do little or nothing to stimulate my conversation thought and imagination -however still managing to stimute other areas and frustration), and possibly through skimming over this you'll pick out a few ideas to add to our conversation and the confidence to make some effort aswell? Ok, I'm game, I'll try it. It can't work any worse than what I've been seeing."

My response to his "You're Cute" message:

Not to sound like a jack ass but while I'm not into you someone might be but your opening paragraph of your profile is pretty angry sounding and not very appealing. Also, your picture is creepy. Good luck!

Then I blocked him.

If I'm dead tomorrow. You have your suspect and a new tag of "scary." ::Whimper::

Negative Nancy Looks Deep Inside.

I'm funny, it's true but I may be over-representing my cynicism so far on this hilariously good time blog. It's an up and down experience going through these profiles or as Sara put it,

"good AWFUL ok AWFUL tolerable AWFUL good"
I also added, "Am I being a judgmental jerk?"
This in turn makes me, within minutes, go from a state of excitement to near depression.

So here are some lines that have made me give these internet fellas a chance and perhaps even given me the slightest glimmer of hope.

"I'd love to meet someone that I can enjoy the evening with after a long day either at trivia, relaxing at home doing something simple in each others' company, or maybe hanging out with friends playing boardgames."

"Someone who loves to discuss interesting ideas and laugh at life's peculiarities."

"Nerdish (ha i just made a word call Webster's!!!)"

"sometimes i just love to snuggle on the couch"

"luna lovegood! well done!! what was
that for?"

"I have very poor grammar, but love sushi!"

And one guy had Dirty Projectors listed as an interest, I'm going to assume he meant the band, not actual dirty projectors.