OMFG! Die text messaging!

So I didn't mention in my last post that the guy with my number from last night sent me a text message. I didn't mention it because I figured given my not responding response it wouldn't really be noteworthy. How I wish I wasn't wrong.

View the text message conversation (stupid ass text messaging, more on that later).

Dumbass: Let me know when you want directions to the Super bowl party
Me: :::crickets:::

4 Hours Later.

Dumbass: Lame.
Me: Text messages are lame. Sorry I was just playing wingwoman last night.
Dumbass: Poorly.
Me: Wow nice. Buzz off. (Yes, I really said buzz off)
Dumbass: Okayyyyyy...good talk see ya out there...
Me: :::crickets:::

This irritation would have never occurred if text messaging didn't exist in dating. I know there is no sense in complaining about it because it's here and it's queer (mentally unbalanced or deranged). I just can't get over how text messaging allows pussying out and apparently straight up asshole behavior. I have never had a hostile phone conversation with a near stranger, a near stranger who wants to get in my pants, leotarded.

Maybe clubs and bars aren't for me. You win this one Eharmony commercial.

I'm going to practice my no, you can't have my number speech.

I'm not naturally suspicious

How many axe murderers do you think date online?

Apparently you can't judge a dude-book by his cover-face. Do you think though that perhaps the occasionally good looking guy who also happens to be an axe murder is the rarity and the guy who looks kind of creepy is likely, actually creepy? Let me clarify, there is a difference between guys who I personally just happen to not find attractive and guys who give me the heebie jeebies via photo. A physically gifted fellow can be just as creepy as the genetically unfortunate one.

Let me list, from my weeks of personal experience, elements of a photo that will land you on the Island of Misfit Axe Murdering Creepy Dudes. I have personally been matched with or contacted by guys with one or more of the following characteristics.

• No smiling, in any of your photos (is the world that awful?)
• A picture obviously taken of you while laying in bed. (Eww)
  
• Extreme close-ups not humorous in nature. (Pores do turn me on, how did you know?)
  
• Photos with bad crop jobs where you can still see some girls hair. (Remind me of people who go around ripping their exes out of framed photos and putting the pictures back in the frames).
• Attempted and Failed Smizing. (failed smiling with the eyes=angry, very angry)
• No eyes visible in any photos. (What are you hiding?)
  
• Photos that could be mistaken for (or are?) mugshots. ("I swear it was just a traffic violation!")
• Almost all flavor-savor facial hair. (Why? Just in case Limp Bizkit has tryouts for the reunion tour?)
• Thug face. (I'mma let you finish, oh wait, you did already, because you don't care if I do, EVER.)
• Posing with an axe. (Okay, that one didn't really happen)

Happy Hunting.

Oh Yikes!

Plenty of Fish, It may be free but I think it's because you have to deal with a lot more angry and/or creepy people. I feel more afraid now than when someone is yelling for the crack dealer next door outside my window.....

Opening paragraph to on a very long profile...

"Umm... Is this the spot I'm supposed to write a grip of stuff, way more than I normally say, so you can MAYBE read some of it after I send you a stupid quick messege like "Hi, Youre cute" ('cause I think you are but I don't wanna waste my effort when chances are you're just gonna Reply with "Thanks" or "Your not so bad yourself" or "Tell me about yourself" and I'm going to get really bord of you because conversation is going to be dull and I'm going to be expected to rock your world with words that are easy to creat, followed by an invatation to take you out on a free super fun night while you do little or nothing to stimulate my conversation thought and imagination -however still managing to stimute other areas and frustration), and possibly through skimming over this you'll pick out a few ideas to add to our conversation and the confidence to make some effort aswell? Ok, I'm game, I'll try it. It can't work any worse than what I've been seeing."

My response to his "You're Cute" message:

Not to sound like a jack ass but while I'm not into you someone might be but your opening paragraph of your profile is pretty angry sounding and not very appealing. Also, your picture is creepy. Good luck!

Then I blocked him.

If I'm dead tomorrow. You have your suspect and a new tag of "scary." ::Whimper::